


for eyes like lapis lazuli and amber

by hanasshi (enthalpyofchange)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempt at Humor, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Smut, Non-Graphic Smut, Romantic Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 01:48:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 25,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29127471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enthalpyofchange/pseuds/hanasshi
Summary: Akaashi found his soulmate in those amber eyes.Bokuto found his home in those lapis lazuli eyes.A soulmate au where they have three months to fall in love, and failure to do so will result in death.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Kozume Kenma, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 18
Kudos: 36





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey hey hey! This is a really bad attempt at bokuaka soulmate au but it took really long for me to write so here it is! 
> 
> This is dedicated to Oishee (this is your advanced birthday gift).
> 
> The lack of heavy angst is mainly due to Sashwata and Evonn but I forgive both of you :)
> 
> Thank you for reading and have a great day! Stay safe, healthy and wear a mask and wash your hands

The warm sunlight poured into the room and the curtains flailed in the cool breeze. It was almost dusk and the remnants of the orange glow in the sky reminded Akaashi of his childhood. He was far from his birthplace now, but every now and then, even someone as practical as him gave in to the more emotional and basic of human desires- a longing to run away, and run home. 

He was lying on the bed, still wearing his work clothes, too tired to change into his more comfortable pajamas. His eyes were half shut as he lazily took in the beautiful glow of the sun. It was a rare moment of tranquility and Akaashi was drunk on the serenity. 

A loud and sharp beeping noise interrupted his half hearted slumber, and Akaashi groaned as his eyes darted towards the small alarm clock on the bedside table. He stretched his hand towards the clock and was caught in a sudden moment of shock. 

He immediately sat up, his eyes widened as he examined his wrist. His lips trembled, as he traced his slender index finger on his right wrist. The sunlight danced on his skin like it was made of amber dust, illuminating the writings on his wrist. 

Akaashi had never believed in soulmates. He did not believe in romantic love either, he was content with what he had. To love someone else with his whole heart, when he had so little love to give, felt incredibly selfish. He had never expected his soulmate clock to appear on his wrist. 

Akaashi had first heard of the soulmate clock when he was in middle school, when his benchmate Akki got his. Akaashi remembered the wonder he had felt then, paired with the eagerness to get one of his own. His utopia had been destroyed when he heard that Akki had failed to find his soulmate in time, which ended up in his soulmate dying.

This was one of the reasons Akaashi wished he would not have a soulmate. The soulmate clock was cruel, it predicted the amount of time your soulmate had left on this earth. The sure death could only be stopped if the soulmates fell in love before that stipulated time, and uttered the fated three words to each other. Only one of the pair of soulmates would get the clock, which made it even more cruel as the other would inevitably die if he failed, leaving the clock bearer behind shouldering the guilt of not being able to save their soulmate, and simultaneously dealing with the loss of a part of themselves. 

The clock could be stopped, or so Akaashi was told, but it came at a heavy cost. Destroying the clock would make both people involved lose all their memories of each other, but their souls would remember the loss of their soulmate.

Akaashi had thought- and still believes- this to be a load of bullshit. Yet, the middle schooler Akaashi trapped in one corner of his heart is curious to know, and to feel. 

Akaashi's fingers traced over the bump on his wrist, his soulmate clock reading- 3 months. Underneath it, written in the most beautiful handwriting he had ever seen was his soulmate's name.

He caught his breath, his eyes tracing the name, letters that were now imprinted in his soul. He parted his lips, apprehensive before he finally spelled out the name softly, as delicately as possible, as if the name was as fragile as glass.

_Bokuto Kotarou_

His chest swelled, a small smile on his face, as he said the name out loud again. His gaze was transfixed on those letters, until he found his mind wandering elsewhere.

What if his soulmate….was not someone he wanted? How would he love him then? His face darkened as he realised the weight on his shoulders. What if Akaashi couldn't save him? 

The orange hue was long gone as the dark engulfed the sky. Akaashi stared too long at the dark sky and the fluttering stars, and sighed. His head was hurting. 

He finally got off the bed, making his way across the living room and into the kitchen. The clangs of the silverware aggravated his headache, and Akaashi clicked his tongue in frustration. He stirred a packet of instant coffee into some warm milk, and made his way to the terrace. He breathed in the fresh night air, his gaze transfixed on the flickering stars. 

He let out a deep sigh. What type of person was this Bokuto? He hoped he wasn't energetic and loud and all of the things Akaashi was not. 

To his own horror, Akaashi found himself sending his wish to the stars. 

"This really is a menace." He said softly, finishing the last bit of coffee left and walking back inside.

He didn't want the soulmate. He didn't want to be responsible for someone else's life. Maybe, he'll arrange a meeting with this Bokuto person and destroy the clock before complicated situations arise. Yes, that would probably be for the best. 

Akaashi felt at peace, and whipped out his cellphone, dialling Kenma's number.

"Kenma."

"Keiji."

"Where are you now?" 

"At Kuroo's." 

"Oh. I needed to talk about something-"

"You can come over, it's just me and Kuroo here." 

"Okay, I'll be there in 15." 

"Hmm."

The only people Akaashi could count on in this faraway city were Kenma and Kuroo. He immediately felt at ease as he put on a warm coat. Both Kenma and Akaashi were men of few words, but that was probably why they understood each other the most. Akaashi put on a warm coat and stepped out of his apartment, hands in his pockets, a storm inside his heart. 

"Keiji!! You look so good!" Akaashi was greeted by Kuroo's loud voice as soon as he stepped into Kenma's apartment. They were childhood friends and now soulmates. Needless to say, their clocks had stopped since they genuinely loved each other. 

Akaashi could not help but feel a hit of sharp jealousy as he saw Kenma struggle to wriggle out from Kuroo's lap. 

"Ku-KUROO STOP." Kenma shot up, walking up to his friend, offering to take his coat. Akaashi silently handed his coat over to Kenma, making his way inside. He sat down on the couch, beside Kuroo, and stretched out his legs. 

"You look like you've been getting enough sleep. That's good." Kenma said as he disappeared in the kitchen. 

"Yeah, workload is a lot lighter than before, and..my part time work is on a break right now." Akaashi groaned. Kenma emerged from the kitchen, handing him a cup of coffee. Akaashi sipped on it, then grimaced as it was too hot, and finally faced his friend who was now perched on top of Kuroo's lap (even though he apparently hated sitting on Kuroo's lap). 

"Weren't you guys supposed to move in together this month?" Akaashi asked, massaging his temple slowly.

"Well, Kuroo got a buyer, he's supposed to stop by today. It'll take some time for the exchange to happen, but I hope it'll be done by this month." Kenma moaned softly as Kuroo's hands cupped his face and kissed his forehead.

"Sheesh get a room already." Akaashi rolled his eyes. He was surely not going to be like them if he found his soulmate.

_Oh yeah. About that-_

"Akaashi, is that what I think it is?" Kuroo pointed at Akaashi's wrist, causing him to flinch for a moment, which he covered with a hasty smile. 

"Yes, I got my soulmate clock today. I came by to talk about that." Akaashi traced the name with his delicate fingers once again. He could feel Kenma's and Kuroo's eyes boring into him.

"Who is it? Akaashi-" 

Kenma was interrupted by the doorbell, he rolled his eyes and clicked his tongue in disgust, motioning Akaashi to stop until he returned. Akaashi grabbed the cup, sipping the now cooler coffee. There was an uncomfortable and unusual feeling in his stomach.

He could hear Kenma greet someone, and then heard footsteps as Kenma emerged, followed by a man. It was a man Akaashi had never seen before, he was tall, musculur, and had silver streaked black hair. His eyes were the brightest shade of topaz, his face was lit with a wide smile. 

"Hey hey hey! Kuroo!" The man smiled at Kuroo, who stood up for the first time and hugged him in a wide hug. Akaashi remained seated, his eyes fixated on the man. 

"Oya, who's this?" The man had a wide smile, his eyes gleaming with curiosity. 

"This is Akaashi, Kenma's best friend. Akaashi this is the person who'll move into my apartment after I move out." Kuroo slung his arm over the man's shoulder as both of them smiled at him. 

_Ugh. Too much happiness._

Akaashi nodded in acknowledgement, reluctant to talk to a stranger. He turned back to Kenma, who had already placed himself on Kuroo's lap.

"Akaashi you can continue, he's just here to sign some documents." Kenma yawned. 

Akaashi was reluctant to bare himself in front of the stranger, but ultimately decided to do it as he expected never to run across him again.

"So what's his name?" Kuroo prodded, his eyes on a piece of paper he was checking thoroughly. 

"Bokuto Kotarou." 

Kuroo's hand stopped as he looked up at Akaashi, and Kenma stopped mid-yawn.

"What-" Akaashi began, but was soon interrupted by the man.

"Yes?" 

**Hell no.**

"No-"

"I'm Bokuto Kotarou, nice to meet you. But how did you know my name?" Bokuto's smile almost hurt Akaashi's eyes.

Akaashi silently extended his hand towards Bokuto, watching as Bokuto's smile vanished as he took in the information. He suddenly traced his own name, his fingers tracing his name on Akaashi's wrist. 

For some reason, it made Akaashi very, _very_ uncomfortable. 

It felt like his skin was on fire.

Bokuto looked up, a smile on his face again, his eyes gleaming. 

"Hello Mr. Soulmate."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bokuto being the sweetest baby ever.

"Wow. This is like a movie Tetsu." Kenma stifled a giggle as he saw Akaashi's very confused face. 

"How-" Akaashi

"You guys are soulmates after all." Kuroo giggled. Akaashi shot him a glance which made him stifle his chuckle.

"Kuroo you're making him uncomfortable." Bokuto's voice had a slight edge to it, his eyes were dull yet stronger than before. The sudden change caught Akaashi's eye, whose mind was on overdrive.

Bokuto knew Kuroo, thus destroying the clock might not be the optimum solution.

**Fuck.**

"I need some time to myself. I'll probably swing by tomorrow." Akaashi stood up, his half empty coffee cup lying on the table, forgotten. 

Akaashi desperately needed to think.

"I'll drop you home. I need to leave now too." Bokuto offered, standing up. Akaashi wanted to refuse. He wanted to storm out. He wanted to think to himself.

But something about his eyes stopped him. 

Those eyes were at the root of it all. 

"Thank you, Bokuto-san." 

His name rolled off Akaashi's tongue perfectly. It was as if Akaashi had known Bokuto for years already. 

Bokuto handed the paper to Kuroo, and with a last wave, opened the door, stepping out of Kenma's apartment. Akaashi followed.

"You can call me Kotarou, I don't mind-"

"I'll stick to Bokuto-san for now." 

Bokuto paused for a second, then smiled as he walked down the stairs. 

"I'll call you Aakashi then."

"It's Akaashi." 

"Aagashee." 

"Akaash- never mind." Akaashi was too tired to argue, and judging by the constant smile, he knew Bokuto rarely ran out of energy. He followed Bokuto to the parking space, and waited until Bokuto signalled him to get in. 

Akaashi got in, his hands trembling ever so slightly as he put on his seatbelt. 

"So how long have you known Kozume?" Bokuto's voice interrupted the sudden heaviness in his heart.

"Four years. Since I moved here. He was my roommate for two years until I got an apartment of my own." Akaashi gulped as the car made a sharp u-turn. 

"That's nice." Bokuto muttered, his eyes on the road. His hands smoothly manoeuvred the steering wheel but Akaashi couldn't help let his mind wander to that fateful night. 

The blinding light. The crash. The scar. 

Akaashi's eyes closed for a few seconds, painful memories flashing across his mind. A sole tear found its way down his cheek.

"Akaashi, are you okay?" 

Akaashi nodded half heartedly, his eyes still closed. A strange silence swallowed the car. It was suffocating.

"You can drop me here Bo-"

"I hate the sudden bright lights too." 

Akaashi sighed. Bokuto really thought this would make him feel better? How stu-

"They remind me of an accident." 

Akaashi's breath hitched as the painful flashbacks came back to him once more, his breath getting tighter. He wanted to go home. 

"I'll walk you home." 

Akaashi looked up, catching a glimpse of that bright smile, and nodded in agreement. Even though he had just met Bokuto, having some company was better than having none. 

"Thank you." Akaashi mumbled. 

They walked home in a silent comfort, the million stars illuminating their backs. After a long time, Akaashi felt like he could breathe. He had expected Bokuto to prod around and ask questions, and when Bokuto did neither but accepted his situation, Akaashi felt a weird wave of relief. He wasn't ready to talk about it with anyone, least of all Bokuto.

"Akaashi, mind if I ask you a question?" 

Akaashi nodded slightly, still hesitant. 

"Are you stressed about the soulmate clock?" 

Akaashi's face must've registered a never seen before expression of surprise since Bokuto immediately became flustered.

"I-I'm sorry if it's an inappropriate question-"

"Well, I guess you are my soulmate so it's fine. What do you want to know?" 

Huh. Soulmate. The word felt weird rolling off of Akaashi's tongue.

"I have three months left right?" 

Akaashi had never expected that he would have to talk about death with someone who obviously hadn't ever experienced any. 

"Yes. That is, unless I fall in love with you." 

"Akaashi, no offence but I highly doubt you will, so why don't you go ahead and destroy the clock? The sooner the better." Bokuto laughed.

Akaashi frowned. How could he take this so lightly? How could he laugh-

Akaashi paused. Why was he himself taking it so seriously? Bokuto was right he should-

"If you're having a tough time deciding, maybe we can go out to dinner sometime and talk it out?" 

They stopped before Akaashi's apartment. Dinner didn't sound that bad, and frankly, Akaashi could use some time to let off steam. Bokuto also deserved to make the decision as it would impact the both of them.

"I'm okay with that Bokuto-san." Akaashi managed a weak smile. He stopped when he realised how miserable his smile was beside Bokuto's. 

"Great! I'll take your number from Kenma and text you the details!" 

"That would be great, Bokuto-san." 

Great? 

"Bokuto-san.."

"Hm?"

"Can I ask you a question?" 

"That's only fair, so go ahead." 

Akaashi's eyes were transfixed on Bokuto's, bis cool aquamarine pair the opposite of Bokuto's warm amber ones. 

"Why do you hate the sudden flashing lights?" 

Silence ensued. 

It was the same type of silence that Akaashi had felt when he was told he couldn't play volleyball anymore. The same type of silence when his father died. The type of silence that no matter what, leaves a gaping hole in your very existence. 

The type of silence that kills you everyday, bit by bit.

"Reminds me of a time I lost everything. See you later Akaashi." 

Akaashi could've sworn he saw pain flash by Bokuto's eyes, the same type of pain he harbours in his soul.

Akaashi washed up before he slumped down on his bed, his fingers swiftly dialling a number. The phone rang twice before a sharp click, and then the comfortable voice boomed through the speaker.

"Keiji?" 

"Mom, how are you today?" 

"I'm okay sweetie, how are you? Did you eat?"

"Not yet. Mom, I got my soulmate clock today." 

"Really? I'm so glad Keiji, I thought it would never-"

"I'm thinking of destroying it." 

There was a dry silence, and Akaashi could imagine his mother's face on the other side of the call.

"Keiji, what happened with your dad-"

"Not everything is about that old man." 

"Keiji!"

"Did I lie Mom? How could the soulmate clock make a mistake? How could a married man like Dad become someone else's soulmate? Why did he have to die? Why didn't that other stupid bit- woman destroy the clock? Why was she so selfish?" 

"Kei-"

"You know as well as I do that this soulmate thing is shit. I don't believe in it. I just wanted to let you know before you heard it from anyone else." 

"Keiji, your dad would've wanted-"

"To hell with dad! Your husband died, why don't you feel the same?"

"Because if I was in the shoes of that woman, I would've probably done the same." 

Akaashi stared at the ceiling, his mind going blank. 

"You've never been in love Keiji, you don't know the lengths one can go to for love." 

"That's why it's scary, Mom." Akaashi muttered softly.

Silence hung in the air again. 

"Will you be coming home next month? It's your father's 5th death anniversary." 

"I know that. I'll let you know. Goodnight Mom."

"Goodnight Keiji." 

Even though Akaashi heard the click followed by a cold silence, he kept clutching the phone to his ear, his eyes fixed on the bare ceiling.

It was proven that the soulmate clock was a mistake. 

What if this was a mistake too?

_Beep_

Akaashi had fallen asleep still clutching the phone, and woke up with a start when he heard the sharp beep. 

He stared at the screen till his eyes focused, his vision still blurry.

**Hey Akaashi!**

Who's this?

**Guess! ~(*3*)~**

Isaac Newton? 

**Eh?**

Dazai Osamu?

**Akaashi… (@-@) you're mean..**

I know. 

**It's me, Bokuto.**

Ah yes. Bokuto-san. Didn't expect your text so soon.

**I couldn't wait to text you ^_^**

Oh..

**I'm sorry I know it appears weird hehe**

No, it's just that, no one's ever been eager to talk to me before.

**I don't really believe you, you look like a popular guy :D**

One rarely is what they look like.

**I'm sorry Akaashi, did I offend you?**

No, not really. Well, you are exactly what you look like though.

**How Akaashi?**

Well, you look like a star, always bright and cheerful, always emanating light and happiness. 

**Anyway, when are you free for dinner?**

_Did Bokuto-san just change the topic? But why?_

I'm on a small leave from college, so anytime this week is fine with me.

**Tomorrow is okay then?**

Yes, tomorrow is okay. 

**I'll pick you up at around 8.**

Okay. Looking forward to it.

**You text exactly like I thought you would**

And how is that?

**Like my future boyfriend**

**SORRY AKAASHI I WAS JOKING PLEASE DON'T BE ANGRY**

It's fine Bokuto-san. I had a feeling you say stuff like that. 

**AKAASHI (^////^//)what do you think of me**

I think you're the exact opposite of me Bokuto-san. 

**I'm sad now**

I'm sorry. 

**Don't be Akaashi, you're amazing ^_^ I've heard so much about you from Kozume. I can only wish to have half the talent you do**

I'm sure you are really talented in something, Bokuto-san.

**I was...but not anymore.**

What was it?

**Volleyball**

Akaashi stared at the screen, an inexplicable feeling bubbling inside him.

**Anyway Akaashi, see you tomorrow. Goodnight**

Goodnight Bokuto-san. 

Akaashi closed the tab, the unusual feeling gripping him. He was now sure that Bokuto avoided talking about two things- lights and volleyball. Akaashi turned to his side, scrolling through his social media feed and robotically liking pictures of classmates he had last seen over 4 years ago. 

He yawned and glanced at the clock. He still hadn't had dinner but he was not hungry. Reluctantly, he dragged himself to the kitchen and munched on some rice crackers. He couldn't ignore the unusually irritable feeling, and decided to text Kuroo.

Kuroo. I need help. 

Akaashi waited for a response and then remembered that Kuroo was an early sleeper. He sighed, guessing he would have to wait till morning for the answers.

What do you know about Bokuto-san? It's not important, I'm just curious.

As Akaashi typed the last sentence, he realised that he wasn't just curious. Something about Bokuto dodging those topics made him uneasy. 

Akaashi finished the crackers and gulped down some water. He switched off the lights and crawled under the covers, his heart lighter than before. 

Bokuto-san hated lights and used to play volleyball. 

Maybe they were similar after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i am in love with bokuto and what about it.


	3. Chapter 3

Akaashi locked the door to the studio behind him, taking his spot in the sunlight beside the huge glass window overlooking the cityscape, the tall buildings piercing through the azure sky, their silver glistening in the sharp sunlight. 

He blinked twice, focusing on the blank canvas in front of him before he loosened his shoulders and picked up a brush. 

Beep.

Akaashi clicked his tongue in irritation as he checked his messages. It was from Kuroo.

Come to lunch. Will tell you what I found. 

Akaashi typed out a curt 'ok', and refocused on the task at hand. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he felt the oxygen flow throw his body, reinvigorating him and sharpening his senses. 

He picked up the brush again, colours bursting in his mind. His hands were working fast and precisely, his strokes were as beautiful and delicate as him. The colours melted together perfectly, creating a kaleidoscope of emotions. 

He took a step back, feeling incomplete as he massaged his temple. All the canvas needed was a touch of happiness, a touch of-

Bokuto-san's smile.

Akaashi's eyes widened as his brush automatically dipped into the yellow paint, and he swirled it across the canvas, creating a melancholic yet inherently happy splash of colour. 

He finished the stroke softly, taking a step back to admire the art. It looked beautiful.

Akaashi wondered why Bokuto's smile had given him the inspiration for happiness. Maybe because his smile was really bright, too bright in fact. Pure, yet not gentle, loud, yet unobtrusive. Perfect for this canvas.

Akaashi sighed, hesitant to overanalyze his actions- after all, humans are complex beings- and dialled Kenma's number. 

"Kenma."

"Keiji."

"I finished a new piece. When will I hand it over?"

"Tomorrow is fine. How did you finish another so fast?" 

"Got some new inspiration. By the way, the new studio is very nice."

"Good for you. I know it is, I picked it out myself." 

"Thank you again Kenma, for keeping this a secret, and auctioning my art on my behalf." 

"No problem Keiji. Heard you'll have lunch with Kuroo?" 

"Yeah. I had some questions."

"Okay, I'll talk to you about your new art later. I'll let you know when it will be auctioned. Send me a small pic of it if you can." 

"It's a surprise, come and see it for yourself tomorrow." 

"Fine. You owe me one." 

"Hehe." 

"Do you think this one will break your previous record?" 

"Maybe, I don't really know."

"Hmm, I'll know when I see it. Okay, so talk to you later."

"Bye, Kenma." 

"Bye Keiji." 

Akaashi sighed as he put on his coat again, running his fingers through his hair. He looked fairly presentable. He caught a glimpse of his own aquamarine eyes and grimaced in disgust. He had his father's eyes.

He took a taxi to the restaurant Kuroo had asked him to come to. When he entered the restaurant, he saw the familiar unruly hair, gave a small smile and headed towards him. He smiled at Kuroo courteously, and sat down before him. 

"What would you like Akaashi?" 

"Whatever you'll have." Akaashi mumbled, checking his phone for further news from Kenma. Kuroo nodded, and proceeded to give his order to the waiter. 

"So," Kuroo chimed in as soon as the waiter left, "why is my dear Akaashi so interested in Kotarou?"

"You guys are on a first name basis with each other?" Akaashi took a sip of water, considerably surprised.

"Yes, well we knew each other when we played volleyball, we played against each other in a few practise matches, and he's a good guy, and a good friend." Kuroo leant forward, as if careful not to let his secret slip in front of the whole world.

"But what do you want with him Akaashi? I thought you didn't even like-"

"I still don't. I just wanted to make sure I did not make him uncomfortable." 

Kuroo sat back, sighing exasperatedly. 

"Fine. I called one of my friends back home, who used to know Bokuto well, and he said Bokuto had been in an accident in highschool. A case of drunk driving, apparently it was him and some other student who had been affected. Since then Bokuto had been suffering from panic attacks and hallucinations and had to give up volleyball. That's as much as I know." 

Akaashi suddenly felt like he couldn't breathe. He tried to gulp down something that was stuck in his throat. 

No. Akaashi refused to believe him.

"He's better now though, apparently he has been seeing this doctor for a couple of years now and he's way better than before. Even then, he still hates volleyball. So that's about it." 

Akaashi gulped down the glass of water in one go. He stared at the bowl of fresh salad in front of him, suddenly no longer feeling hungry.

"Kuroo, I- I forgot something at home. I'm sorry I won't be able to stay longer." Akaashi stood up, his eyes frantically searching for the exit. He ran his fingers through his hair briskly, walking out of the restaurant. Kuroo didn't stop him, he knew better than that, but made a mental note to ask Kenma about it later.

Akaashi wanted some air. He needed to breathe. He looked up at the sky, the clear lapis lazuli comforting and warm.

He was sure Bokuto-san had nothing to do with the incident. Coincidences happen, and Bokuto-san was one of them. Akaashi smiled to himself, the familiar amber eyes popping up out of nowhere in his mind. 

"Ah shit." He remarked in a deadpan manner, not quite understanding why. He hailed a taxi, and returned to his studio. He wanted more of that amber on his canvas.

Akaashi stood in front of the mirror, finding the perfect angle before he snapped a picture of himself, and proceeded to send it to Kenma. 

Kenma.

Keiji.

How do I look?

Great. Handsome. 

Okay thanks. 

Why do you care anyway?

I just don't want to look like a bear. That's all.

You're too refined to look like a bear. 

Hm. 

Akaashi ran his slender fingers through his hair again, and hastily stopped when he heard the bell ring. He felt his heart beat loud, he didn't quite understand why. Why was he getting so excited over dinner?

Akaashi opened the door, and froze momentarily. 

Bokuto's hair was fluffy and soft, emanating an angelic silver glow. His eyes shone brighter than the sun, his tall and muscular figure hidden behind an expensive and well-made tuxedo. He held a bouquet of purple lilacs, and Akaashi felt an unusual warmth creep up to his cheeks when he remembered the meaning of the flowers. He was unsure whether Bokuto had done it deliberately, but he reluctantly admitted that he was, in fact, flustered. 

"Akaashi.Hi." 

Akaashi took the bouquet from him, careful not to let the colour rise up to his cheeks as he forced a smile. Bokuto-san had just greeted him with a hi. Yet, Akaashi was experiencing something he never had before. 

_No. Get a grip on yourself Keiji._

"Hello Bokuto-san." 

Despite his most arduous preparations to not give away how flustered he was, nothing could prepare him for what was coming next. Bokuto gave him the most disarming smile, his hand softly finding Akaashi's. 

Akaashi moved his hand away in a fluid motion. He needed to steel himself. He had to.

"You look beautiful Akaashi. Your eyes-"

"I hate my eyes Bokuto-san." 

"They remind me of sapphires." 

"Thank you?" 

"Say something nice about me too Akaashi, it's only fair!" 

Akaashi suppressed a smile, covering it up with a fake cough.

"You look very handsome Bokuto-san." 

He hoped Bokuto wouldn't recognise the hint of truth in his voice. 

"Akaashi, stop being sarcastic...did you like the flowers?" 

"Yes, I liked them very much Bokuto-san." 

Akaashi just noticed how close they were standing to each other. He could see each fleeting emotion in Bokuto's eyes. 

"Do-do you know what purple lilacs mean?" Akaashi stuttered for the first time in his life since his middle school recital. 

"No, they just looked pretty, and reminded me of that purple scarf you had on the other day." 

Akaashi sighed. So Bokuto really didn't know what they meant. 

"Do you know what they mean Akaashi?" 

"No, I don't." 

Bokuto had reserved a table at the most expensive restaurant in Tokyo. The interiors were softly bathed in golden warm light, there were elaborate chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. Their table was right beside a huge glass window, overlooking the brightly lit skyline. The flickering lights looked like gems encrusted in the night sky. 

Yet, Akaashi found himself admitting that the brightest source of light was the man in front of him, who was thoroughly going over the menu. 

"Akaashi, what do you want to eat?" 

"I'm fine with anything really." 

"Don't you have something you have wanted to eat for the longest time?" 

"N-not really Bokuto-san. I'll have whatever you have." 

"Oh-uhm, okay Akaashi. That's your final decision then?" 

Akaashi nodded in agreement. Bokuto sighed and placed their orders. When the waiter disappeared, Bokuto slightly leant forward. 

"So Akaashi, how do you like our date so far?" 

Wait. This was a date?

"Isn't this place very expensive Bokuto-san?" 

"Yes, but today is a special day too, so I think I can afford to splurge a bit." 

"Why is today special?"

"Akaashi, you're really really dense. It's because I'm on a date with my soulmate, duh." 

Dense huh?

Akaashi smiled, forgetting to cover it. He immediately straightened his lips, but stopped when he felt soft, yet rough, warm, yet cool fingers on his. 

Akaashi forgot what he was thinking about.

"Don't cover your smile." 

It sounded more like a plea, like Akaashi's smile was the only thing sustaining Bokuto, like the world would end if Akaashi stopped smiling. 

Akaashi didn't feel the need to reply. He knew he wouldn't cover his own smile anymore. He suddenly became aware of Bokuto's fingers touching his, and felt fire raging through his skin. The soft heat crept up all the way from his fingertips to his cheeks, betraying him. 

Akaashi thanked the stars that Bokuto was as oblivious as they came. 

"So Bokuto-san, what do you do?" Akaashi said softly, leaning closer to make sure Bokuto heard him. 

"Nothing much, I just...operate my dad's business." 

"Ah! Well, that is amazing." 

"Not really..what do you do Akaashi?"

"I am a lecturer at Tokyo Art University." 

"Ooh, you certainly look the part." 

Akaashi chuckled, instinctively lifting his hand up, until he felt the same fingers wrapping around his. 

"S-sorry Bokuto-san."

"You don't need to apologise, it's just that you look so beautiful when you smile. I could stare at you all day." 

"That's..creepy.."

"I know right." Bokuto let go of his hands, leaning back into his seat and laughing. Akaashi couldn't help but smile along with him.

He had known Bokuto for exactly one day, but he was sure that Bokuto was one of those people who drew everybody towards themselves, who were the star of every meeting. Bokuto-san was one of those people who could have the world in the palm of their hand. 

Akaashi despised those types of people. His father had been one like them. 

Yet, Akaashi couldn't bring himself to hate Bokuto. He couldn't seem to muster that same darkness inside his heart that he did every time he had seen his father. Bokuto's light almost always washed it away. 

Akaashi was surer than before, that it was physically impossible to hate Bokuto-san. 

"Who do you have in your family Akaashi?"

"My mom and a brother. My brother lives in Sydney. My dad died five years ago, in my last year of highschool. What about you Bokuto-san?" 

Akaashi waited with bated breath for the questions about his father. He had learnt to expect them.

"I live with my grandparents. My parents died when I was 6. I have two sisters, but both of them are married, so I'm mostly alone at home." 

No questions? 

"Guess we've both lost some people." Bokuto gave him a strange smile, one that was brimming with melancholy. Akaashi knew Bokuto probably missed his parents a bit too much. 

They talked some more, they talked about their childhood, about their dreams, and about Kuroo and Kenma. They talked about food and the countries they had visited, they talked about funny things and sad things, they talked about new song releases and rising artists. 

As Akaashi had expected, Bokuto-san was really good at conversations. He had a wide range of knowledge, and the way he talked was at once captivating and funny. Akaashi couldn't look away from him.

And then, Bokuto slowly softened up. Akaashi knew that that was his moment. 

"Bokuto-san, I don't believe in soulmates." 

Akaashi couldn't read Bokuto's face, but then, he had never been very good with humans anyway. 

"That's okay. Just believe in me." 

That's when Akaashi realised, he was in deep shit indeed. 

"But, I don't want to destroy the clock. I want...to see..where we go." Akaashi looked down at his fingers which were curled on his lap, still burning from his touch. 

"Akaashi." 

"Yes Bokuto-san?" 

"I didn't think it was possible, but you look even more beautiful when you blush." 

Akaashi realised he was sinking deeper in this burning pit of fire and shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hate my physics teacher lol


	4. Chapter 4

Akaashi stared at his reflection in the mirror, clicking his tongue as he saw glimpses of the person he hated the most. He was starting to look increasingly like his father. The same dark hair, the same deep blue eyes-

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing. 

"Akaaaashi!" Bokuto's voice boomed on the other side of the call.

"Good evening Bokuto-san." 

"Are you done dressing up? I'm waiting downstairs." 

"Won't you come up?"

"Can I?" 

"Sure." Akaashi chuckled softly. 

Akaashi and Bokuto had gone out a few times after that dinner date, and each time Akaashi was impressed by Bokuto. Everything about him was the polar opposite of Akaashi, yet he found himself growing fonder of this man who still believed in Santa Claus. 

A knock on the door made him flinch in surprise, and when he opened the door, he was greeted by an ethereal Bokuto in an all black ensemble. Akaashi remembered being the one to suggest all black outfits to Bokuto, even though his motive was selfish.

It will bring out the colour of your eyes, he had said. I want to see your muscles, he had thought. 

Akaashi wouldn't admit this to himself in a million years, but he had truly hoped Bokuto would turn up in an all-black ensemble. 

"Akaashi!" Bokuto enveloped him in a warm hug, which wasn't reciprocated, not that Bokuto cared. 

"B-Bokuto-san...can't b-breathe-"

"I'm sorry, I just got so excited.." 

Bokuto didn't let go of Akaashi, instead pushing him a bit further to look at him carefully.

"Akaashi-"

"Yes?" 

"Your eyes look...clearer and brighter today.. did something good happen?" 

Akaashi stood there, dumbfounded, trying to remember what he was so happy about. Indeed, he had been feeling lighter since the morning. 

And then he remembered. 

He had seen a dream about Bokuto. Come to think of it, Bokuto's appearance in Akaashi's dreams had become more frequent.

"N-nothing, Bokuto-san." 

Bokuto stared at him, and finally laughed as he pulled Akaashi towards him.

"Shall we go?" 

Akaashi nodded, leading them both outside as he locked up the door. 

"Come to think of it Akaamshi, that was the first time I saw your apartment. I don't even remember how it looked."

"That's funny Bokuto-san. What were you looking at then?"

"You." 

Words never had much effect on Akaashi. He believed what he saw. To him, words were merely an art of deceiving. Yet, at that very moment, standing only a few inches from his soulmate, Akaashi couldn't help but feel his heart stop and shatter into a million pieces. A simple, three letter word was enough to remind Akaashi that despite his best defences, he had been laughing and blushing more the past few days. He wanted to find a reason, a more believable one, a more acceptable one, but in his heart of hearts, he knew, the only reason was him.

Bokuto.

"So, where are we going?" Akaashi changed the topic before Bokuto noticed his increasing blush. Not that he would, but Akaashi didn't want to take any chances.

"It's a secret Agaashi." 

"Bokuto-san, it's Akaashi. Not...whatever name you are saying." 

"Then, can I call you mine?" 

Akaashi knew better than to blush at Bokuto's straightforward flirting (if it could be called that) but he was exasperated at how much Bokuto's words affected him. He couldn't help but bite his lips to prevent a smile. 

"It was a joke Akaashi, don't get angry now." Bokuto laughed as he opened the door of his car for Akaashi. 

"I'm not angry Bokuto-san." 

I liked it. 

Akaashi stared at Bokuto in horror when he realised he had said it out loud. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"I'll tell you more jokes from tomorrow then Akaashi! I didn't know you liked jokes, you certainly don't look……" Bokuto's voice trailed off as he got in. 

I don't like jokes Bokuto-san. I like the way you talk to me. 

Akaashi gripped his own arm to stop himself from trembling when his realization hit him. 

I must look pathetic, he thought.

"Akaashi, are you cold? You're trembling!" Bokuto's voice cut through his daze. Akaashi couldn't reply.

"It is a pretty cold night out, you should've told me earlier.." Bokuto opened his scarf, wrapping it around Akaashi, and smiled. He didn't stop there, much to Akaashi's dismay, and opened his coat, wrapping it around Akaashi.

"There, that's better right?" 

No. It was worse.

All Akaashi could breathe was Bokuto's scent, a familiar, comforting, warm, smell that reminded him of lonely, rainy, afternoons spent cooped up inside a library. He wanted more. He gripped himself tighter to prevent himself from losing control. He dug his head deeper into the scarf. 

"Won't you be cold Bokuto-san?" Akaashi asked him sheepishly.

"As long as you are fine, I'm fine Akaashi. I'm not saying this to impress you. I really, genuinely like seeing you happy. Your happiness makes me happy." 

"Bokuto-san, stop saying these things."

"Or what?" Bokuto smiled mischievously. 

Or I'll fall-

"I hate you." Akaashi pouted as he leant back into the seat, closing his eyes, his body enamoured in Bokuto's scent. 

Is this what heaven feels like?

They stopped in front of a huge building, which Akaashi only recognised because he had visited it once. 

It was the planetarium. 

Bokuto parked the car, then took Akaashi's hands and led him up the stairs. Akaashi was thankful for the scarf, he was prone to catching a cold very easily. He stole a glance at Bokuto who was still smiling, and felt a sharp pang of guilt.

"Bokuto-san, you can take back the coat now. I'm sure you're cold too."

"I'm fine Akaashi, I'm fine as long as you are fine." 

Akaashi silently nodded, his hand clenching around Bokuto's. 

"Ah god damn it, where is that man?!" Bokuto irritatedly checked his watch, before he heard faint footsteps. 

"I'm sorry Mr.Bokuto, I'm late. I hope you haven't been waiting for too long." A man appeared, panting, his breath short and rough.

"It's okay, thank you for doing this Take-san." Bokuto's expression hastily changed to a smile. Akaashi wondered what was going on.

The man handed a key to Bokuto, who was now flushed with a pale pink hue. 

"Thank you so much, Take-san." Akaashi smiled at him too. He hated the fact that the man might have been inconvenienced because of him, and thought that the least he could do was smile at him. 

"No-no problem." Take-san was visibly flustered, which Akaashi thought was cute. He almost hadn't felt the strong arms on his waist, pulling him inside the planetarium. 

Bokuto soundlessly walked forward, his hand on Akaashi's waist, navigating the corridors until they reached a specific room.

"Bokuto-san, you shouldn't have made Take-san go through all that trouble, and you shouldn't have gone through all this trouble either." Akaashi muttered. All his life, he had been the one relied upon. 

It felt different now.

"Ah, I'm sorry. I'll apologise to Take-san tomorrow. Thank you Akaashi." 

"And what about you?"

"You'll see. Bokuto pushed a key into the lock, turning it until he heard a click. He pushed open the door, to reveal a room like nothing Akaashi had ever seen before. 

It was a dark room, but the ceiling was lit up with millions and millions of stars. They all sparkled and bathed the room in their flickering light. They looked like diamonds. 

The last time Akaashi had seen the stars were with his father. Both of them loved stargazing. 

"Fuck-"

"Do you not like it Akaashi?" 

Akaashi bit his lip to prevent his tear from falling. 

No. He wouldn't cry. He shouldn't cry. He will not cry over a man like his father. 

"I-I'm fine Bokuto-san"

His voice cracked. He knew he was done for when he found Bokuto inching closer to him, his hand tightening around Akaashi's waist. 

"Akaashi, are you crying?" 

Akaashi wanted to say no. Every fiber of his being wanted to say no. He wanted to scream that he was fine, that he didn't need to be looked after, that he had done the looking after all these days. He wanted to hate that man. He wanted to hate his father. 

Yet all he managed to do was move closer to Bokuto, and bury his face in his chest.

No words were spoken, but Bokuto could feel Akaashi asking him for a hug. He pulled Akaashi closer to himself, wrapping his arms around him, his lips against his hair. 

Bokuto didn't want to know why Akaashi cried. He didn't want to know anything. He just wanted to be with Akaashi when he needed it.

"I'm sorry for ruining your night Akaashi, I didn't-"

"I used to stargaze with my father till I was 12. I stopped when we had an..argument. This just reminded me of the good times. So thank you, Bokuto-san." Akaashi's words got muffled due to him burying his face in Bokuto's arms. 

"You don't need to thank me Akaashi, all I want is for you to be happy." 

"How can you say that? You barely know me…"

"That is why I keep inviting you out, because I want to know you more. I really, really want to know you more. If you will let me." 

Bokuto didn't receive any of Akaashi's sharp refusals, and his shoulders relaxed. He pulled away, leading Akaashi to a set up of a table under the brightest star, with a warm cooked meal laid out. 

"Bo-"

"Let's eat Akaashi, and let's get to know each other more." 

Akaashi sat down, loosening the scarf around his neck as he began eating. The food was really delicious, and he was soon done eating. He hadn't felt such warmth and had a home cooked meal in a long time.

Ah crap. He could feel the tears threatening to fall again.

"Bokuto-san, how did you manage to set all of this up?" 

"I know someone who is a relative of the director of the planetarium. He agreed to close it off earlier today for us. Take-san prepared the dinner for us." Bokuto smiled.

"What relationship do you have with Take-san?" Akaashi drank some water.

"He's an old family friend's son. He's like my elder brother." Bokuto laughed. 

Akaashi felt the same rough yet soft, hands creep up to his. He didn't move his hands away, in fact, he needed the warmth. 

"Bokuto-san, won't you ask me about my father?" Akaashi finally spilled out what he had been thinking all these days. 

His father- the source of his anxiety, of his nonchalance about soulmates, of his insecurity and fear- was the one topic he avoided. Yet everyone he had met so far seemed to be interested only in his father.

Bokuto-san, however, did not feel like 'everyone'. 

"If you're comfortable, you'll tell me yourself Akaashi. I don't really care about your father, all I care about is you and your well being. Okay?" Bokuto gave his hand a light squeeze. 

Akaashi thanked the heavens that the room was dark and his tears went unnoticed. 

"Y-yeah." His voice broke again. 

Akaashi later decided that night that it was the best day of his life.


	5. Chapter 5

Bokuto stared at his phone, and then looked back up. He checked the GPS once again, and once sure he had come to the conclusion that he had arrived at the correct destination, he sighed in relief and walked inside the university. He held a bouquet of gardenias in his hand, and adjusted his tie. He swiftly glanced at his reflection on the glass door and pushed it open, his eyes alert and searching for the one. 

Akaashi.

"Agaashee!" Bokuto flailed his arms excitedly, waving at the bespectacled man who was oblivious to this commotion, and looked to be in deep conversation with a few other people around him. 

Bokuto had no sense of personal space, probably because he grew up without needing one. He walked forward hastily until he was in front of Akaashi. Akaashi had not yet noticed him. It was only when Akaashi bumped into him that he looked up.

"B-Bokuto san?" 

"Akaashi!"

Bokuto extended his hand in an attempt to hug Akaashi, but he flicked his hand away. Akaashi's face was becoming increasingly flushed.

"What are you doing here?" 

"I thought I would surprise you...did I come at a wrong time?" Bokuti glanced over at Akaashi's colleagues, who were all eyeing them suspiciously. 

"No, it's fine I was just a bit busy...I'll be free during lunch break, meet me in that park opposite-"

"Akaashi-san, who is this?" A colleague asked, nudging Akaashi with his elbow.

Bokuto beamed. 

_I am his soulmate._

"He's a friend." Akaashi smiled apologetically at his colleague.

A...friend?

Bokuto felt a sharp twinge of pain in his heart, and all he wanted to do was go home. He faked a smile and handed the bouquet to Akaashi. 

"Akaashi, I brought these for you. I think I'll pass, I'm not feeling well. See you later!" 

As Bokuto walked out, Akaashi noticed how his shoulders hung low, and his pace was sluggish. 

He stared at the gardenias.

Gardenias. The flower which symbolizes secret love.

Not that Bokuto would know anyway. 

Akaashi turned back to his colleagues, smiling and apologising for the disturbance. He didn't notice when it started to rain. 

"Bokuto-san?" 

"Aka-*cough*-ashi" 

"Bokuto-san, you sound horrible...did you get wet in the rain this afternoon?" 

Bokuto's silence was all Akaashi needed to confirm his doubts. The only thing Akaashi couldn't figure out was why Bokuto did not wait for him. 

"Bokuto-san, can I come over?" 

"No I'm fine really Akaashi, you don't need to come over...after all, we are just friends right?" 

If Akaashi hadn't trained his ears during highschool to look out for his dad returning home late at night, he would've missed the last few words Bokuto had muttered. It was then that Akaashi understood why Bokuto was acting so….not like Bokuto. 

"Okay, I get it." Akaashi hung up with a small smile on his face, making up his mind. He had guessed why Bokuto might've been angry, but their conversation pretty much made it into a confirmation. 

Bokuto pouted as he threw the phone on the other side of the bed. He knew Akaashi was...sometimes very...cold but he had expected Akaashi to call him his soulmate. 

Bokuto groaned as he flipped onto his side, stretching out his limbs. 

Bad Akaashi. Bad, not cute Akaashi. 

He sighed, knowing very well that it was wrong of him to expect it from Akaashi- after all, Akaashi had no intention of doing this whole soulmate thing in the first place (even though he seemed more compliant lately), and Bokuto knew Akaashi had trouble expressing himself and his emotions well. Akaashi was a logical, rational person who didn't deal well, or saw the point of emotions. Bokuto knew that Akaashi was his exact opposite- but Bokuto couldn't help but imagine the happiness that would've shot through his veins had Akaashi called him his soulmate. 

Stupid Akaashi.

Bzzzz.

Bokuto sat up with a start when he heard the doorbell buzz. He wrapped the blanket around himself tighter and waddled to the door, opening it without hesitation. 

Must be the pizza guy.

"Bokuto-san, do you have any idea how security works?" 

Bokuto lay huddled in his warm blanket as Akaashi handed him a mug of hot chocolate. Bokuto downed it in one go, a satisfied smirk on his face. 

"Why did you come Akaashi?" 

"I couldn't just leave you alone after hearing your voice Bokuto-san." 

"Why?"

"Because you're my soulmate." Akaashi took the mug from Bokuto, and disappeared into the kitchen. 

"Bokuto-san your apartment is quite clean unlike-"

Akaashi paused when he heard sniffling sounds from Bokuto's bedroom. He peeked in, and found Bokuto trembling, tears running down his face.

"Bokuto-san!" Akaashi giggled and walked up to Bokuto, caressing Bokuto's forehead as Bokuto rested his head on Akaashi's chest. 

"Agaashee.." He nuzzled his face against Akaashi, feeling his soft hands running through his hair. 

"Bokuto-san, stop crying.. you're so cute..heh" Akaashi covered his smile with one hand, the other brushing Bokuto's hair.

"I thought you were embarrassed of me…"

"Why would I be embarrassed of you? I admire you and wish I could be like you" 

"Agaaasheee!" Bokuto sobbed harder, clutching Akaashi's shirt.

"It's the truth, Bokuto-san, I was just a bit surprised. I'm sorry." Akaashi bent down to place a light, feathery kiss on Bokuto's hair. Bokuto did not notice.

"No Akaashi, don't be sorry, it's my fault for not letting you know beforehand-"

"Bokuto-san, stop crying now okay? And thank you for the gardenias, they were beautiful." 

Bokuto nodded, his sobs becoming fainter.

"Hehe, I did not know you were such a crybaby…" Akaashi giggled.

"Akaashi," Akaashi looked down to find Bokuto staring up at him, his topaz eyes sparkling.

Those damned eyes. Akaashi could almost feel his knees give away. 

"I love listening to you laugh." 

Akaashi could feel the heat rise up to his cheeks and averted his gaze from Bokuto's. Bokuto's fingers tightened around his, and Akaashi could feel his skin burning under his touch.

"I'll do it more often then." He finally managed before he rushed towards the kitchen, leaning against the wall as he breathed slowly. 

"Damn that motherfucker Bokuto Kotarou. His eyes are going to be the death of me." He muttered to himself.

It was the first time Akaashi had cursed since his fifth grade loss in a chess championship.


	6. Chapter 6

"So how is it going with Bokuto? It's been three weeks since you guys started going out." Kenma barely looked up, his hands making swift work of the game console he was holding. He was seated on Kuroo's lap, who was busy texting someone. 

Akaashi sipped on his coffee, glancing at the screen of his mobile phone. 

"Good, I guess, I mean, I don't have any reference points…" 

Kenma turned around briefly, staring at Akaashi before he immersed himself in his game console again. 

"Oh." Kenma simply stated. 

"What does the oh mean?" Akaashi frowned when he saw that Bokuto was online. Akaashi had just returned from the university and was tired. He hoped to relax once he got home. 

"That..you haven't had any experience in dating." 

"As if you're a casanova Kenma?" 

"At least I have Kuroo."

"And I have Bokuto-san." Akaashi realized what he had said, colour rising to his cheeks immediately.

"Oya?" Kuroo looked up, an irritating smile on his face. Akaashi glanced at Kenma who had a satisfying smile on his face.

So it was a trap.

"Bokubro will he really happy to hear this Akaashi-"

"No Kuroo-san, don't-"

"Too late!" Kuroo laughed hysterically as Akaashi launched towards him, trying to tackle him. Kuroo waved his phone higher, and finally Akaashi gave up as he slumped down on the couch. 

"You're so tiring Kuroo." Kenma groaned.

"Kenma!" Kuroo sighed exasperatedly, leaning to kiss Kenma who grimaced but didn't stop him.

Beep.

Akaashi snatched his phone from the table, opening his chatbox to find a message from Bokuto. 

"Want to come over? I made dinner! (^_^)"

Akaashi smiled. He could visualise Bokuto typing it out. Being with Bokuto meant his energy draining out fast and lots of loud and raucous laughter. 

Yet, being with Bokuto also meant being able to smile and laugh more. 

"Okay. Will be there in fifteen." He typed out, an unusual feeling settling in the pit of his stomach once he sent it. 

The first time Akaashi had gone to Bokuto's apartment was a week after their first dinner date. It wasn't much, he had just gone to return something that Kuroo had borrowed from Bokuto. Even though Bokuto had asked him to come in, Akaashi was in a hurry that day so he had passed up that offer. Akaashi had not crossed the door.

The next time Akaashi had stepped inside that apartment was the day Bokuto had caught a cold. 

This was going to be his third time. 

The last time, Akaashi had guessed the apartment to be huge. However, he had spent most of the time in Bokuto's bedroom, feeding him chocolate truffles and caressing his hair, so he couldn't explore it much. 

His finger pressed the cold metallic doorbell, and a sharp, clear ring was released. Akaashi waited for a few seconds before he heard some shuffling noise and quick footsteps. The door opened to reveal Bokuto- his hair was messy and wet, and wearing a bathrobe- and his trademark wide smile. 

"Akaashi! Sorry I just came out from the shower-"

"It's okay Bokuto-san, get dressed fast or you'll catch a cold." Akaashi entered the apartment, opening his shoes and walking in. Bokuto disappeared inside his bedroom, leaving behind Akaashi who sat down on the couch, closing his eyes and letting his exhaustion wash over him. 

Akaashi didn't notice when Bokuto's hands were on his forehead, brushing away his hair. He opened his eyes softly, and found Bokuto's face too close to his, his warm breath fanning his cheeks. He felt colour rise to his cheeks yet again.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" Bokuto laughed, moving away.

"N-no.." Akaashi looked down at his fingers, flustered. 

Bokuto-san looked really good today. 

"Akaashi do you want to wash up? Then we can have dinner together." 

Bokuto's smile really was something else. His smile was so soft yet so eye-catching, Akaashi couldn't say no. He could really use a hot water bath right now. 

"Okay Bokuto-san." 

"I'll leave some clothes outside for you." 

Akaashi felt the hot water wash away his stress, the knots dissolving, his body becoming warm. He almost let out a moan of pleasure. His hair was longish, it stuck to the nape of his neck. He smiled as the water droplets painted circles on his face.

He hadn't felt this good in centuries. 

He tied the soft cotton robe around his waist, feeling the luxurious softness rub against his skin. He almost moaned again. 

He peeked out, tip toeing out of the shower. He was just about to grab the clothes when he heard footsteps.

"Akaa-shii?" Bokuto was behind him, his jaw slack with surprise, his eyes wide with shock.

"Bokuto-san…" Akaashi blushed, his hand absentmindedly brushing over his prominent cheekbones.

"Akaashi- don't. " Bokuto grabbed his hand, his eyes deep into Akaashi's. 

For the first time, Akaashi did not look away. He could feel the passion raging in Bokuto's eyes, he knew Bokuto was at the edge of reason, that Bokuto wanted to make him completely and utterly his. There was an invisible fire crackling between them. The fire burned Akaashi's skin. 

Frankly, Akaashi kinda wanted it too. 

"Don't...tempt me.." Bokuto muttered before he let go of Akaashi, lowering his gaze.

And then Akaashi did the unthinkable. Looking back, Akaashi would probably want to dig up his own grave, roll into it and die had he known what he was about to do. 

As they say, love and passion makes everyone into fools (or at least that's what Akaashi remembered)

"Please..Bokuto-san…"Akaashi lurched forward, grabbing Bokuto's hands and putting them on his face. He pushed forward until each of his curves were perfectly fitted against Bokuto's.

"Kiss me." 

Akaashi saw a flicker of animalistic passion in Bokuto's eyes, and he knew that even if he hadn't uttered those two words, Bokuto would have kissed him nonetheless. 

Bokuto was but a man after all. 

Bokuto's lips crashed onto Akaashi's, knocking the air out of his lungs. He felt dizzy, and desperately clutched onto Bokuto's shirt to prevent himself from crashing on to the floor. Bokuto's breath smelled like mint.

Akaashi loved mint.

Akaashi wanted to close his eyes, get lost in the feeling, but he also wanted to stare at those eyes. Those eyes filled with longing and passion, only for him.

"Bokuto-san…"Akaashi could only manage a moan before Bokuto leaned into him again. 

This. 

This was what they talked about in the books and the movies. 

The type of kiss that shakes your world, that makes time stop and makes you question reality. 

The type of kiss that probably changes your life.

When they pulled apart, both of them were breathless and dazed, unwilling to look each other in the eye. 

"Le-let's go have dinner…" Bokuto stuttered as he took Akaashi's hand. Akaashi followed him to the bedroom, where he changed into a huge shirt and boxers which were a bit loose for him. He guessed both were Bokuto's. Bokuto waited outside for him until Akaashi called out. 

"Let's go Akaashi." Bokuto finally looked back at Akaashi, who was still blushing from the incidents that had happened prior to this. 

The red on his cheeks against the blue of his eyes. Bokuto could feel himself sinking deeper into this ocean called Akaashi. 

"I have something for you." Akaashi's eyes lit up, and Bokuto realised something.

He would quite literally do anything to see that light in Akaashi's eyes again. 

Bokuto pulled along Akaashi, but Akaashi was already used to it. Since the day he had met Bokuto, almost all of his private life was pulled along by Bokuto in a manner which left Akaashi breathless, yet was so addictive. 

Akaashi knew he couldn't keep pace with Bokuto, but was it too bad to follow someone who would always lead you to a safe place?

Probably not.

Akaashi was right. Bokuto's apartment was huge. He was led to a room he hadn't seen before, which opened to reveal a huge, almost ballroom-like space, with a piano on a corner, illuminated by the moonlight. There was a balcony, which was beyond a glass door, which filtered the moonlight into a beam of pure crystal light. 

There was a table on the other side of the room, with their food laid on the table, still piping hot.

Bokuto took Akaashi's hand and pulled his chair out for him. Once Akaashi was seated, Bokuto sat down opposite him, his eyes on Akaashi's the entire time. 

"Did you know, I was at Kenma's before coming here." It wasn't much of a question rather than a statement. Bokuto nodded as he handed Akaashi the bowl of spaghetti.

"Kenma asked me whether I liked how things were going between us." 

Even though Akaashi didn't look up, he knew Bokuto's eyes were on him. 

"I answered that I didn't have any prior experience so I didn't know how good or bad things were between us." 

"Oh." 

"But now, I feel, maybe, we're, just maybe, we're-uhm-"

Akaashi looked up to see Bokuto staring at him intently, a gentle smile on his face.

"Doing well." Akaashi immediately shifted his gaze towards his plate. He couldn't bear to look at Bokuto right now.

"Me too, I feel the same." 

"I'm glad." Akaashi smiled at him. Bokuto could feel his heart stop for a minute. Akaashi's smile was one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen. 

"Bokuto-san, can I ask you something?" 

Bokuto nodded, his mouth filled with spaghetti. 

"Why do you hate volleyball and flashing lights?" 

The silence was the same that had enveloped them on the first day they had met. It was heavy, and was dragging them down. Akaashi regretted asking Bokuto. 

"I'll tell you soon Akaashi, you'll be the first person I tell it to, I promise. Till then, can we just...enjoy what we have?" Bokuto's eyes were filled with anticipation and pleading. 

Akaashi understood it. He would've said almost the same thing had Bokuto asked him about his father. Both of them needed time to manoeuvre through some problems, and Akaashi respected that. He knew Bokuto did too.

"Yes of course Bokuto-san, I just wanted to make sure you were okay…" 

"I'm fine Akaashi, as long as I'm with you." 

Bokuto's hands clasped Akaashi's, who blushed furiously and nodded. He was happy. 

"Akaashi, I have something for you." 

Bokuto held Akaashi's arm as he led him towards the piano. The keys were shining in the moonlight, and Akaashi felt his heart tug when he remembered his father. 

His father would often play Claire De Lune for him when he was a child. 

Bokuto took a deep breath, and his fingers began moving on the keys. His movement was fluid, restrained and elegant. His fingers did not have an ounce of the essence of Bokuto Kotarou.

Yet, Akaashi couldn't look away. 

The moonlight highlighting his face, his amber eyes shining brighter than usual, the light bouncing off his skin and the notes of Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, all of these combined to transport Akaashi to a world which he had only read of in books. 

He couldn't ignore the unusual feeling in his stomach anymore. He didn't know what it was, but maybe it was a good thing. 

He was so happy, he could feel his chest tighten. His heart felt too full, too small to hold this much happiness. He felt incapable and small. 

Yet he knew, this was the happiest he had been since he left his hometown. 

"Thank you, Kotarou." His face lit up as he smiled towards Bokuto, who had stopped in   
the shock of being called by his first name. 

His smile was wide and bright. For a moment, Bokuto felt like he was staring at the Sun itself. 

"Akaashi-" 

"You can call me Keiji, Kotarou." 

Bokuto smiled as his fingers got back to playing again. 

"Keiji it is." 

Bokuto had dropped Akaashi home. When the car stopped, Bokuto leant close to him, and Akaashi closed his eyes, anticipating another kiss. He felt a warm peck on his forehead.

"Goodnight Keiji." 

"Goodnight Bokuto-san." 

"Akaashi, you called me Bokuto-san again…" Bokuto pouted.

"You did it too?" Akaashi laughed.

"Old habits die hard Akaashi." 

"The same goes for me huhu." Akaashi leant over, placing a soft kiss on his cheeks.

"Bye, Kotarou."

When Akaashi curled up inside his blanket on the bed, he was still thinking about the kiss, and him. He covered his face with his hands, feeling the warmth of his cheeks on his palm. He was blushing furiously.

"Ahhh...why is this happening to me…" he muttered, knowing very well why it was happening to him.

Him. Bokuto Kotarou was behind all this.

He remembered the way Bokuto' hands had cupped his face, how his thumbs drew circles on his cheekbones, how his lips met his perfectly, and how his body fitted into Akaashi's like a piece of a missing puzzle. He remembered the hunger and passion in Bokuto's eyes, the way he had called out Akaashi's first name, the way his fingers moved over the keys of the piano, the way the moonbeam made Bokuto look ethereal. 

"Oh My God. I am going crazy."Akaashi muttered into the pillow, smothering his face into it as if it would help get rid of these….feelings.

"Don't...tempt me."

"Akaashi, I'll be fine as long as I'm with you." 

"AAAAH" Akaashi screamed into his pillow. He came to the conclusion that he was not going to get any sleep, and went out into the balcony, the chill of the night shaking him to the core. He hoped he wouldn't catch a cold.

Was Bokuto-san feeling the same? Akaashi wondered as he looked up at the sparkling sky. Probably not, he thought. 

He didn't know Bokuto was on his fifth cup of coffee and had spent the last few hours dreaming about Akaashi. Bokuto was on the edge of sanity as the scene of Akaashi asking to be kissed replayed in his mind for the hundredth time. It was painful, but the type of pain that's mixed with pleasure. Bokuto wanted to kiss him again. To kiss him under the stars. To make Akaashi, his. Solely, his. 

Akaashi's menacing thoughts were interrupted by a beep from his phone. It was his mother. 

"Keiji, why don't you call anymore?" 

Akaashi had expected her to play the victim card as she always did.

"I have been busy, Mom."

"Too busy to talk to your only blood relative who cares about you?"

"Do you have anything important to talk about?" 

Akaashi was tired of the constant nagging. He was tired of his family- if it could be called that.

"Next week is your father's 5th death anniversary. Are you coming?"

"I don't want to."

"Is that your final answer?" 

Akaashi just wanted some peace. He wanted to be held.

By Bokuto.

He hung up, his feet carrying him to the closet. He somehow managed to put on a coat, and rushed out of his apartment. 

He had to get to Bokuto, fast. His legs were weak and cold, his face stung in the cold air, but he knew, if he slept alone, he would have those nightmares again. 

Come to think of it, he hadn't had a nightmare since he met Bokuto. 

Akaashi's breath became short and rapid as he almost reached Bokuto's apartment. 

Bokuto's apartment was not very far from Akaashi's. Akaashi did not want to get inside a car so late into the night, so chose to run.

Akaashi- who hadn't run since his last year of high school- was running for a man. 

Akaashi confirmed that he had become a maniac. 

He rushed up the stairs, he was too dizzy to take the elevator. When he finally came to a stop before the door of Bokuto's apartment, he rang the bell. 

Thrice, in short intervals. 

He was going to collapse, his heart was beating too loud. He could see the lights blurring. 

And then he heard the footsteps. Quick, light footsteps.

The door opened, and Akaashi fell into the strong arms he craved for. 

He was safe now.

"Akaashi. Akaashi." 

Akaashi opened his eyes slowly, his vision still blurry, but he could make out Bokuto's face in front of him. He felt the strong arms around him, and smiled. Bokuto hadn't let go of him. 

Akaashi turned to face Bokuto. 

"Akaashi, it's 1 am, what are you-"

"I need you Bokuto-san. I need you to stay by me tonight. Please." Akaashi pleaded. He saw Bokuto's face change, a gentle look taking over from his concern.

"Stupid Akaashi. I'll be with you whether you like it or not. Do you want anything to drink?" 

"No, having you here will be just fine." Akaashi couldn't take it anymore, he needed to escape the loneliness. He snuggled closer to Bokuto until the elder wrapped his arms around Akaashi. Akaashi finally felt at peace in the warmth in Bokuto's arms. 

He remembered his old self-so cynical of soulmates.

Maybe, just maybe because it was Bokuto- Akaashi could believe in soulmates again.

"Akaashi, are you okay? Did something bad happen?" Bokuto softly kissed Akaashi's unusually disobedient tuft of hair.

Akaashi wanted to tell him. Maybe not the whole thing but-

"Bokuto-san, what if...we're not meant to be? What if we don't get our happy ending? What if...we turn out like my parents? I really, really like you a lot, but thinking about this makes me- scared, I don't want to lose you, I'm so so scared Bokuto-san-" Tears rolled down his cheeks before Akaashi could finish, and the comforting silence of the room was engulfed in heart breaking sobs.

Bokuto wanted to kiss his tears away. He wanted to hold him in his arms forever, he wanted to tell Akaashi that as long as he was with him, he was going to protect Akaashi from everything. 

He wanted to tell Akaashi that he loved him. 

But he didn't. He didn't want to impose the burden of love on Akaashi. He knew how scary love was, he had been scared too a long time ago. 

Thus Bokuto chose the only thing he could do at that moment.

He tightened his embrace, and whispered, as softly as he could,

"I'm always going to be by your side, protecting you, Akaashi. I promise. I won't let things end between us, no matter what. You're safe with me Akaashi." 

That's all Akaashi needed to hear. He let himself go completely, crying his heart out in Bokuto's arms.

All of his frustrations, at his father, at his mother, at his absent brother, at his colleagues, at himself, came pouring out as tears.

The whole time Bokuto held him close to his heart. Akaashi soon calmed down, tired, and finally, at peace. He looked up at Bokuto.

"Akaashi your eyes- they're going to be the death of me." Bokuto kissed the tip of his nose.

"Even when they're red and swollen?" Akaashi already knew the answer, but he wanted to hear Bokuto.

"Always." 

Akaashi smiled, lifting his body to completely embrace Bokuto, kissing Bokuto's neck. 

"You must be tired, do you want to eat something?" 

"Hmm."

"What do you want to eat? I'll get you anything you want." 

"Can you cook?" 

"Not without burning the house." 

Akaashi giggled. "Then cook something for me." 

Bokuto stared at him, exasperated, and finally huffed in a sign of defeat. Akaashi and Bokuto walked to the kitchen, and Akaashi hoisted himself up on the kitchen counter, swinging his legs as Bokuto prepared the appliances. 

"What will I make for you Keiji?" 

Akaashi ignored the shivers his voice sent down his spine.

"Anything you want, Kotarou." 

Unlike Akaashi, Bokuto was a man with no inhibitions. He went up to Akaashi, placing his legs around his waist, and leant forward. His face was dangerously close to Akaashi's.

"I love how you call me Kotarou." 

Akaashi smirked. 

"Is that so? Ko-ta-rou?" 

Before he could finish, Bokuto's lips came crashing onto his, and the same feeling of dizziness took control of him again. It felt like heaven. He let his suppressed passion flow through him. His skin felt like it was on fire under Bokuto's touch. 

"Kotarou-" Akaashi moaned into the kiss, and heard Bokuto's breath hitch. 

Akaashi ran his finger through Bokuto's hair, tightening his grip as he brought his face closer into Bokuto's. It was exciting and passionate and it felt like the world was ending. 

Bokuto was breathless, yet he wanted more. When he felt Akaashi's fingers tightening in his hair, he let out a soft moan. He did not want this to end.

The oven beeped.

"Ah fuck." Bokuto swore under his breath and Akaashi laughed. He pulled apart, walking over to the oven. He put a leftover lasagna into the oven to heat it up.

"Bokuto-san, your apartment is so huge. Why are you moving to Kuroo's apartment?" Akaashi fiddled with a spoon.

"Ah..well… I don't think I will. I need that apartment for other purposes." 

"Such as?"

"A room for storing my art pieces." 

"Ehh?" Akaashi couldn't believe Bokuto was buying a whole apartment to keep his art collection in. That must mean-

"My grandparents won't allow those paintings in their house. Apparently, it's too abstract for them." Bokuto opened the oven, and took out the warm, cheesy lasagna.

"Who is this artist you like so much?" 

Bokuto looked up, his eyes sparkling with excitement. 

"Akeji Tachibana. His pieces are so great!"

The world really was a small place. 

"You like his work huh?" Akaashi smiled, "I know a friend who is close to him." 

"Wait, you do? Considering you are an art professor I'm not surprised..but..wow!"

"Isn't your birthday coming up soon?" 

"Yeah, about...three weeks later. Why do you want to know?" 

Akaashi shook his head, refusing to comment any further. Bokuto pouted, and brought over two plates of lasagna, handing one to Akaashi. Akaashi finished his portion very fast- considering he was a good eater and was considerably worn out after his cry session- and eyed Bokuto's hungrily. Bokuto laughed as he fed Akaashi a bite, staring at Akaashi who relished each bite. 

"Bokuto-san, it's my father's 5th death anniversary next week, and I'm scared to go back home alone. I know it's incredibly selfish of me, but could you….come with me?" Akaashi fidgeted with his fingers, until he felt Bokuto's warm hand on his cheek.

"Of course. I'll be with you." 

Akaashi wrapped his legs around Bokuto's waist again, leaning forward.

"Stay over tonight Akaashi?" 

"Hmm.." Akaashi nodded, pulling Bokuto into another kiss.


	7. Chapter 7

"Kenma!" Akaashi waved at the tiny guy, whose blonde hair made him stand out in the crowd. That and the fact Kenma was sitting in a corner, his gaming console covering his face. 

Kenma looked up, and patted the empty seat beside him. Akaashi sighed as he sat down beside him, observing as the room began crowding up more. 

"So, why did you bring me here?" 

"Wanted you to see where your painting will be auctioned. Come to think of it, you've never been to one of your auctions before, have you?" 

"Why would I? Akeji Tachibana is a pseudonym...and I don't want anyone to know either." Akaashi glanced at his mobile phone again. 

No texts from Bokuto.

"You can just be there as a guest you know?" Kenma glanced at Akaashi, who was checking his messages.

"Speaking of it, do you like Bokuto?" 

"Eh?" Akaashi's voice rose, causing him to bite his tongue immediately, yet his crimson flush was more than telling. 

"You have been dating for….four weeks now?" 

"Almost four weeks."

"Answer my question." Kenma looked around, then clicked his tongue in distaste. "Too many fucking people here. " 

"Why did you choose this place then?" Akaashi grumbled, staring at his phone screen again.

Bokuto's profile pic was of the night sky.

The same night sky they had kissed under. 

"Maybe." 

"Maybe what?" 

"Maybe I like him." 

"Just like him? Or like like him?"

"What the fuck is the difference?" 

Kenma looked up from his console, narrowing his eyes at Akaashi.

"Ooh, talking about Bokuto really makes you flustered huh? You swore just now.." 

"Sh-shut up." 

Akaashi stayed silent, his eyes on his screen, until it lit up, and he saw Bokuto's message.

"When will we leave Akaashi? (^_^)"

Akaashi typed out the time, and looked up at the crowd. He suddenly wished Bokuto was there, his hand in Akaashi's, his eyes on Akaashi, his lips-

Akaashi clasped his mouth, his eyes wide in shock at what he was thinking about. He felt his cheeks warm up, and hurriedly drank a glass of water. 

"So..?" Kenma still hadn't let go of it.

Akaashi remembered the night a week back again. How Bokuto had held him. How Bokuto had stayed. They had met up for more dates later, and each time, Akaashi could feel himself sink in that shithole called 'feelings'.

A split second image of a future Akaashi baking as Bokuto hugged him from behind, with their pet dog licking Akaashi's feet popped up in his mind.

Akaashi stopped again.

What was happening to him? Why was he seeing things? Why was he wanting things? Was it not wrong for him to desire-

_No matter what, I'll always support you._

"Yes, I really, really like Bokuto-san." Akaashi smiled, sipping on his fresh coffee as he stared into the crowd.

He wasn't alone anymore. 

Bokuto stretched out his leg at the station, waiting for Akaashi to arrive. There was a light drizzle, but it was nothing to be alert about. 

He sighed as he checked the time. Akaashi was late.

When he thought of Akaashi, an unusual heat spread through his face, he couldn't hide his smile. Akaashi was…

He put his hand over his face, covering the blush. 

Akaashi was everything he could've asked for. He was kind, patient, understanding, calm, practical and caring. He was what Bokuto was missing in his empty life. 

"Bokuto-san! I'm sorry to have kept you waiting!" Akaashi was out of breath as he sat down beside Bokuto. Bokuto peeped through his fingers. 

Akaashi's hair was wet and small droplets fell on the bridge of his nose, trickling down his face. His eyes shone brighter among the dull grey clouds, and Bokuto found his blush returning. 

Damn he wanted to kiss Akaashi so bad. 

"It's fine, the train won't be here for.." he peeked at his watch, and continued, "another 15 minutes anyway." 

Akaashi leant back, relaxing. He dialled a number, waiting for the call to be received.

"Hello Mom?" 

Bokuto strained his ears to hear what Akaashi's mother might have been saying, even though it was very, very bad manners and his grandma would have probably scolded him had she seen him.

"I'm bringing a friend with me." 

"That's okay, he and I can stay in my room. We have two beds right?" 

"We'll get on the train now, so we'll reach before dinner." 

"Yep, okay, I'll keep that in mind." 

Akaashi hung up, his eyes drifting to the dark clouds.

"Bokuto-san, you're being unusually quiet today. Did something happen?" 

"N-not really." Bokuto couldn't just tell him that he had been fantasizing about kissing Akaashi. 

"Something is definitely up. Anyway, I won't press you about that. The train is here, let's go." Akaashi smiled at Bokuto, and took his luggage, with Bokuto following him. 

Once they settled down, Akaashi took out his iPad and his Apple pencil, opening a drawing application. 

"Woah, Akaashi, you draw?" 

Akaashi bit his tongue trying to prevent himself from laughing. He was just going to warm up his hand, and draw some more once back home. 

"Sometimes." 

Akaashi got back to his iPad, and Bokuto gave up trying to strike up a conversation. He dialled a number, and waited for his grandfather to pick it up.

"Grandpa!" 

Akaashi flinched when he heard Bokuto's booming noise, and realised it was only him. Even though he didn't want to, he found himself quieting down, just to hear bits of Bokuto's conversation with his grandfather.

Akaashi had never heard Bokuto talk about his family, except the basic introduction. 

"Yep, I'm visiting a friend. I saw the information you sent me, isn't it too early to deal with it? After all the orders…."

Akaashi's mind drifted away. He had always loved the landscape of his hometown, it was calming. He hated the people back home.

After 5 years, he was returning to his home.

The weird thing was, he was no longer scared. He finally felt like he was ready to face his mother again. 

And face his father. 

Akaashi glanced over at Bokuto, who was still deep in conversation with his grandfather. 

The reason behind this change was none other than Bokuto Kotarou.

Somewhere along these three weeks, Akaashi learnt to not run away, but run towards whatever it may be- his past, his worries, or Bokuto-san. 

As expected, Akaashi's mother had sent a car to the station. Bokuto did most of the luggage carrying, which made Akaashi feel guilty, even though Bokuto insisted that he was fine- honoured really- to help Akaashi. 

Akaashi could feel a hammer beating at his chest as their car approached his house. Everything was still the same. He spotted the familiar figure at the front door. 

His mother was waiting for them. 

Akaashi got down from the car, half jogging, half walking up to his mother. She had become visibly thinner, her body frame looked frail. Her face was almost haggard, her eyes had sunk, her hair had greyed at a considerable rate. Akaashi was taken aback when he saw his mother. She didn't look like his mother.

"Mom?" 

"Keiji-" Her voice broke, and a tear escaped her eye. Akaashi could hear his heart shatter into a million pieces. 

He had been selfish. Extremely selfish. For five years, he had thought he was the one who had been betrayed by his father. Yet, in the midst of his pain, he had overlooked the person who was actually the most affected. He had made a gross, gross mistake. 

"Hug her Akaashi." Akaashi heard Bokuto whisper, and he knew he was right. 

It didn't matter now, he was here, and he wanted to make up. He wanted to be a good son. 

Akaashi ran up to his mother, pulling her into the warmest hug he could, channelling his inner Bokuto. His mother broke down, sobbing into Akaashi's new linen shirt. 

"I'm home, Mom." 

"I didn't expect Keiji to have friends." Akaashi's mother laughed as he showed the two men the room. The house had been renovated recently, and even Akaashi was stumped as to where the rooms were. 

"Oh, um, yeah." 

"What kind of response is that Bokuto-san?" Akaashi laughed as he nudged Bokuto with his elbow. 

Bokuto smiled at him. Akaashi looked so much lighter, it made Bokuto happy. 

"So, will both of you be staying in Akaashi's old room? It is big enough-"

"If Bokuto-san wants, he can have Onee-san's room." 

"Do you think soulmates should sleep separately?" 

"How did-"

"I can see your wrists you know.." Akaashi's mother laughed. Both Akaashi and Bokuto clasped their palm over their wrists, Akaashi blushing furiously. 

"I'll leave you two to freshen up, dinner will be ready in a few minutes." She smiled as she walked away, leaving the two of them in the large room. 

"Woah Akaashi, your room is huge!" Bokuto slumped down on the bed, stretching his hands towards the ceiling, not noticing Akaashi sitting beside him.

"You could say we were pretty well off…" 

"Bokuto-san." Akaashi intertwined his fingers with Bokuto's.

"Thank you, for everything so far. I've genuinely been happier since I met you, and thanks to you, I could finally find the courage to face my mom. Thank you Bokuto-san." 

Bokuto planted a kiss on his forehead, smiling endearingly at the blue eyed boy.

"That was all you Akaashi, I was just beside you the whole time." 

"That's all I really need Bokuto-san." Akaashi planted his lips on Bokuto's, his hands now in Bokuto's hair, pulling him closer until they couldn't anymore. They had been kissing a bit too much recently, but neither of them really complained. 

"Dinner's ready!!" Akashi pulled apart on hearing his mother's voice, ruffling Bokuto's hair as he whispered, "Let's go, Kotarou." 

Bokuto desperately wanted to kiss Akaashi then and there, but considering the time and location, he decided against it. He clicked his tongue in frustration, reluctantly getting up and walking to the dinner table.

"So, how long have you been going out?" Akaashi's mother smiled at Bokuto, who reddened at this sudden question.

"F-four weeks.."

"So what do you do Kotarou?" 

"I run my family business, I'm the Tokyo branch manager." 

"Oh, that's great! Thank you for accompanying my son all the way here." 

"I'm honoured to." 

Akaashi's mother winked at her son, smiling at the embarrassed Bokuto. Akaashi slipped his hand into Bokuto's, drawing circles on his palm. He laughed when he saw Bokuto almost choke on his food due to this sudden physical contact. 

After dinner, they came back to Akaashi's room. They sat on the porch, looking outside as fireflies flocked near the flowers. Akaashi rested his head on Bokuto's shoulders.

"You know, Bokuto-san, I was so so selfish. I abandoned my mother when she needed me the most." 

"But you came back. That's what matters right?" 

"I'm not sure. Can I really make it better? You saw how my mother's health has deteriorated, I can't lose her too…"

"Akaashi, you won't lose her. Why don't we take her to Tokyo for a few days?"

"She won't agree, but I'll let her know that she can visit us anytime." 

Bokuto hugged Akaashi, pulling him closer to himself. They could hear the faint chirps of the crickets.

"Akaashi, what really happened with your father?" 

Akaashi looked up at Bokuto, contemplating whether he should dodge the question or not. 

And he knew the answer when he looked into those neverending amber eyes.

It was Bokuto. Akaashi could tell him anything.

"My mother's soulmate was father. And My father's soulmate was mother. They got married and had my brother and me. We were all fine, until in the last year of high school, this woman turned up, saying her soulmate was my father. We did not believe her, but the inscription on his wrist was genuine. It turned out there have been cases like this-a case of miscalculation- and this woman did not want to break her clock. She didn't say…..'those three words'...or at least she couldn't say them, and so….my father...died. I hated my father for not telling her to leave him alone, and for...not convincing her that he was only my mom's soulmate. I moved to Tokyo soon after. On the last volleyball match of my high school days, I got into an accident which gave me this scar on my leg. I decided to move to Tokyo then." 

Akaashi felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest. He snuggled closer to Bokuto. The warmth radiating from him was something Akaashi had only dreamt of for the past five years.

"Bokuto-san-"

"We're not a mistake Akaashi. No matter what, I'll always be with you. Even if we weren't soulmates, I would've wanted you by my side." 

How did Bokuto know exactly what to say whenever Akaashi was having a tough time? 

"I grew up in a pretty well to do family. My grandparents own one of the biggest electrical appliance manufacturing companies and my childhood was happy, nurturing and amazing. I had two older sisters, and they loved me a lot, I had two great parents and great grandparents. I was also the star volleyball player of our prefecture."

Akaashi pulled back, his face registering shock.

"You were that good?" 

Bokuto smiled, and his eyes crinkled up. Akaashi had never seen him smile so gently. 

"Yes. My future...it all changed on one fateful night. I got into an accident which ended my career. My father couldn't take that shock, and he went into a coma. He died on the day I graduated. My mother left the country, urging us to never contact her. My sisters got married while I came to Tokyo. I haven't seen them since. My grandparents… They still take care of me, but I know they harbour resentment towards me. After all, I caused everything right? I am too embarrassed to look at them, and I'm sure they don't want to-" 

"Bokuto-san, why didn't you tell me this before?" Akaashi was angry. He trusted Bokuto with everything, yet Bokuto couldn't trust him with his secrets? 

"Akaash-"

"I could've helped you, Bokuto-san. You helped me confront my past, and I want to help you do the same. I want you, to be able to look at your grandparents again, and to talk to your sisters again." 

Bokuto had never seen Akaashi be so passionate. He felt that familiar feeling swelling inside him again.

There was just no escaping those blue ocean eyes. 

"Akaashi, will I tell you how you can help me?" 

Akaashi nodded, ready to do whatever Bokuto wanted.

Bokuto put his arms around Akaashi, pulling him into an embrace, staring into his deep blue eyes. 

"Stay with me. Now, and forever. Please, Keiji." 

Akaashi had never seen Bokuto plead like this. His eyes were filled with pain, his face carried the scars of his youth. Akaashi knew he wanted to stay.

"Yes, Kotarou, I'll stay." Akaashi kissed Bokuto's jaw, resting his head on Bokuto's wide shoulders. 

He had a feeling, a tiny little voice, telling him, maybe, they were moving too fast. 

Yet, one look at those amber eyes, and Akaashi knew he couldn't spend a moment without them. 

"By the way, we'll visit Dad's grave tomorrow. Come with me oka-" Akaashi dozed off, his speech blurring. Bokuto laughed. 

He carried Akaashi to the large bed and tucked him in, giving him a goodnight kiss. 

_Thank you for staying with me, Keiji. I love you._


	8. Chapter 8

"Bokuto-san! Bokuto-san!" 

Bokuto opened his eyes to find Akaashi leaning over him, a smile on his face. 

He still couldn't believe he woke up to a smiling Akaashi.

"Good morning Akaashi." 

"Good morning Kotarou." 

"Why are you up so early-"

"We have to return to Tokyo in the evening, a sudden situation has arisen, so I was thinking, maybe we could go and give the flowers now."

"Ah, Akaashi, my head hurts-"

"I told you to sleep beside me, I knew you couldn't sleep on the floor-"

Bokuto grumbled, resting his head on Akaashi's shoulder until he felt Akaashi's soft hands patting his hair. 

"I'll get ready in a few minutes." Bokuto yawned, stumbling to get up on his feet. 

After breakfast, Akaashi led Bokuto up a small hill, on top of which was the cemetery. They stood in front of his father's headstone, feeling the cool breeze embracing them. Akaashi knelt down, placing a bouquet of purple hyacinths and white orchids. Bokuto faintly smiled as he saw Akaashi's figure. 

"I'm sorry Dad. That's all I can say, that I am sorry. I hope you're happy wherever you are. Please, forgive me." 

Akaashi felt his tears welling up again. He didn't want to cry. 

"If you want to cry Akaashi, it's okay to let it out. I'm here for you." 

That's all Akaashi needed. He sobbed into the elder's arms, letting out his years of suppressed anger, pain and frustration.

Finally, and truly, he was free. 

Bokuto handed him his handkerchief when Akaashi had finally calmed down, his hand still on Akaashi's back. 

"Do I need to say something?" He whispered to Akaashi, blushing when he thought of how ridiculous he might've sounded.

"What?" Akaashi turned to him, surprised, and finally understood what he meant. He laughed, holding onto Bokuto for support.

"Hehe, I'll talk on behalf of you." Akaashi turned to his father's tombstone again, still half-laughing.

"Dad, I met Bokuto-san here almost a month ago. Since then, I feel like I have become braver, and more open. He...is my soulmate father. And, I really like him." 

Akaashi fidgeted with his fingers, until he heard Bokuto sniffling behind him. Bokuto pulled him into a hug as they stood silently in the graveyard, only the wind hearing their inner thoughts.

"I wish I had met you earlier Bokuto-san." 

"Same here Akaashi." 

By the time the two of them reached Tokyo, Akaashi was visibly exhausted. Bokuto wanted to carry all the luggage by himself, but Akaashi didn't let him. Bokuto offered to drop Akaashi to his place, which he insisted was the least he could do, and Akaashi reluctantly agreed.

They pulled up in front of Akaashi's apartment, only to be intercepted by the landlord. 

"Akaashi-san, the apartment is under construction for a few days, I tried to reach you, I couldn't contact you though-"

Akaashi felt a wave of exhaustion wash over him, he would have fainted had Bokuto not been beside him. His mind was on overdrive analysing the situation. 

He could lodge at Kenma's, but it was far from his workplace, and Kuroo and Kenma were really lovey-dovey. To the point that it was….uncomfortable. He could stay at his studio, but the studio was not well furnished and-

"Akaashi, you could stay over at my place if you want?" 

And if he hadn't felt this before, Bokuto was grateful to have that man beside him. It was as if Bokuto was made just for him. 

Akaashi nodded weakly, and Bokuto led him back into the car. He was so tired, he could die.

Or maybe he would rather not. 

The next time Akaashi woke up, he was covered in a huge white comfy blanket, and his vision was not as blurred as before. This was one of the reasons he hated travelling. He would always get exhausted after.

This time, he had someone else beside him.

"Ah, you're awake Akaashi! I made something for you." Bokuto walked into the room, a food tray on his hand. There was a plate of steaming hot rice on it, with a bowl of curry. 

"Thank you for this Bokuto-san,I really don't know how to thank you-" 

"I'll tell you later. Eat up now." Bokuto took a seat beside Akaashi on the bed, handing him the tray. Akaashi dug in, half hungrily, half eager to go back to sleep again.

Turns out, Bokuto was not perfect in every sphere of life. The curry was a bit bland, and the rice was undercooked. Akaashi stared at the spoon.

"Is it really bad? I'm sorry I don't cook too much-"

Was the distaste on his face that prominent? Well, no use lying about it now. 

"Um..I feel better, so I'll go to the kitchen to..maybe change up a few things." Akaashi smiled. 

"I really feel-"

Akaashi cupped the elder's face with his hand, kissing the tip of nose softly. 

"Don't. Follow me into the kitchen, you need to help me." 

Bokuto nodded.

At times like this, Akaashi wanted to devour Bokuto. But then, considering the societal constraints, it would be better not to.

Akaashi stood up, and only then realised, in utmost horror, he was wearing Bokuto's shirt.

Only Bokuto's shirt. 

He felt his face grow hotter, too embarrassed to demand an explanation, too curious not to. 

What had Akaashi done in his previous life to receive this type of mind numbingly pleasurable torture. 

"Oh, you're probably wondering why you're wearing my shirt. That's because your shirt was dirty and I put it in the laundry. Don't worry, I didn't do anything inappropriate." Bokuto put a hand on Akaashi's shoulder, looking down at him. 

Akaashi nodded, which was not an appropriate response, but Bokuto accepted it anyway. 

Well, Bokuto had only been partly truthful.

He really, _really_ wanted to see Akaashi in his shirt. 

He was brought back to his senses when he heard a clanging in the kitchen, and hurried there, to find Akaashi making adjustments to the curry. He only watched Akaashi from behind. 

Bokuto liked Akaashi. Really, really liked Akaashi. Akaashi was funny, caring, nice, calm, rational, yet at times wild, passionate and demanding. 

And Akaashi was the most beautiful person Bokuto had ever seen before. 

Akaashi also had really nice legs, which only added fire to Bokuto's imaginations which he preferred to keep hidden.

Fuck. Bokuto loved Akaashi. 

But he wasn't willing to say it, not yet at least, since he knew Akaashi was a bit of a commitment phobe, and already had reservations regarding the pace of their relationship. 

However, Bokuto was willing to show his love. 

"Akaashi, you have nice legs." 

Akaashi turned around hastily, horrified, yet a pink tinge prominent on the apples of his cheeks. Bokuto loved when Akaashi got flustered. 

It was one of, if not the most, favourite hobby of his. 

"B-Bokuto-san!" 

Yep. Bokuto was nearing his limit. He wanted Akaashi. Then and there. 

If not completely, he still wanted Akaashi. 

"Keiji, you look so fucking beautiful." 

Akaashi turned his back, smirking. He was getting Bokuto riled up without doing anything. The rush of power he felt when he realised he was possibly the only one who could make Bokuto-san a flustered, needy mess was exhilarating. Akaashi wanted more. 

"Oh really Bokuto-san? Must be me wearing your shirt then." 

Bokuto groaned. He had _almost_ forgotten Akaashi was wearing his shirt. 

Akaashi put the rice inside the cooker again, and switched it on, then turning towards Bokuto and leaning on the kitchen counter. 

Bokuto almost fainted when he saw Akaashi's collarbones, sharp and inviting. Oh what he would give to-

"Bokuto-san, stop staring." Akaashi smiled, pulling the older man closer until he could feel his hurried breath fanning his cheekbones.

"What exactly do you want to do to me? Kotarou?" 

Bokuto bit his lip to control himself from devouring Akaashi then and there. 

"Kotarou?" 

Zip. There goes Bokuto's sense of reason. 

"Fuck it Keiji." 

He grabbed Akaashi's head, pressing his lips to his, aggressively. His tongue slid in, exploring Akaashi's mouth. Akaashi tasted like strawberries. 

Akaashi let loose a lewd moan, which only spurred Bokuto to kiss him harder, and faster. Akaashi became breathless trying to keep up. Bokuto grabbed Akaashi's waist, pulling him up on the counter. Akaashi wrapped his legs around Bokuto's waist, pulling him closer. 

Bokuto pulled back, breathing heavily, but seeing the disheveled Akaashi on the counter, his eyes half lidded, his lips swollen as evidence of Bokuto's passion, Bokuto couldn't stop himself. He dived back in, kissing Akaashi's jawline, his kisses trailing down to his collarbone. He sucked and kissed, leaving behind marks. 

Akaashi was his. Solely his. 

"Bokuto-san!" Akaashi's breathy voice only fuelled Bokuto more, who began unbuttoning Akaashi's shirt. Akaashi let out a loud moan when Bokuto's mouth found his sweet spot. 

"Keiji" Bokuto's voice was hoarse and sultry. 

"Ko-"

"Kotarou!" Akaashi moaned loudly and Bokuto's lips came crashing onto his again, his fingers steadily working on the rest of the buttons. 

Beep. 

The sound didn't register for either at first, both of them lost in this passionate expression of their love for each other. Until Bokuto remembered, the rice cooker had burst once. 

"Fuck, we need to get that rice out now." Bokuto pulled back, requiring every ounce of his strength to not go back to kissing Akaashi. 

"That's- disappointing." Akaashi pouted. 

Bokuto would've killed the whole world if he could fuck Akaashi then and there, and make that innocent pout of his spew the lewdest of noises.

But Bokuto was a civilised man. He was not about to do that until he had gotten the rice out of the cooker. 

"Bokuto-san, I was wondering-" 

"Yes?" Bokuto turned towards Akaashi, who was still perched on top of the corner, his legs crossed tantalisingly, a wicked smile on his face.

"Would you like to use your tie on me?" 

"T-" Bokuto gulped. He couldn't believe his ears. 

"Tie me up." Akaashi sauntered over to where Bokuto was standing as still as a statue, stood on his tiptoes, and whispered, "Make me yours, Kotarou." 

Bokuto calmly placed the bowl on the table. 

He was loud, yes, but he was still very well mannered. Part of his training as the heir of one of the largest companies in Japan. 

He had never lost control in his life. 

Barring one incident but Bokuto couldn't think of that now. 

All he could think of was Akaashi splayed out in front of him, wearing his large shirt, Bokuto's tie around his neck-a bit too tight for comfort but excruciatingly pleasurable- begging for Bokuto to wreck him. 

And that was when he snapped. 

He no longer comprehended anything around him. 

All he could think of was Akaashi. 

Akaashi on his knees. Akaashi begging for him. 

Akaashi becoming solely his.

Bokuto had gone past the point of no return. 

His lips crashed hungrily on Akaashi's, more aggressive than before. He moaned into the kiss, sending shivers down Akaashi's spine.

Akaashi wrapped his legs around Bokuto's waist, and Bokuto carried him to his bedroom, his eyes darkened with lust. He did not pull apart even once, devouring Akaashi till they tumbled onto his bed. 

"Kotarou-" Akaashi let out a soft whimper, and Bokuto desperately searched for his tie. He found his most expensive, black, Roberto Cavalli tie, smirked at the vision of Akaashi in it, and proceeded to tie it around Akaashi's neck in a loose knot.

Akaashi's pale chest splattered with purple   
marks- Bokuto's marks- his hair ruffled, his shirt unbuttoned, and a loose tie on his neck, his half lidded eyes spilling desire, was enough to make Bokuto go berserk. 

"Keiji, god, you're so fucking beautiful…" Bokuto kissed Akaashi's neck, leaving bite marks ase he trailed further down. 

"Kotarou- make me yours. Completely." 

"You sure Keiji?" Bokuto paused, his eyes wide in surprise and anticipation.

"Yes. Happy one month anniversary Bokuto-san." 

That night, Bokuto showed Akaashi more stars than he had ever seen, and Akaashi had shown Bokuto a red hot flame of passion and love. 

The best part of sex is what comes after- the intimate cuddling, the fleeting breath fanning the warm skin, the beads of exertion a shy evidence to the world, the marks, the bites, the kisses, everything a hazy dream of pure bliss. 

Bokuto had never felt such peace. 

He lazily kissed Akaashi, who had nestled his face in the crook of Bokuto's neck. 

"That..was awesome Keiji." 

Akaashi moaned, nodding as an answer. His body was sore from the shenanigans of the previous night. 

He could feel the heat creep up his neck again. 

"I'm hungry Bokuto-san." 

Bokuto, who was gazing at the ceiling, the flashbacks of last night playing on a loop in his head, looked down at Akaashi- soft, sleepy and his. He kissed his forehead, whispering against his warm skin.

"Okay, let's go make breakfast." 

Akaashi ignored the shiver his voice sent down his spine.

Bokuto carried Akaashi to the kitchen- his legs were still sore, and Bokuto felt a tiny tinge of guilt for being too rough on Akaashi- and placed him delicately on the kitchen counter as he warmed up some milk. 

He prepared two cups of freshly brewed coffee, handing Akaashi a cup, and nestling his body between Akaashi's legs-which were decorated with purple blotches. 

"Akaashi, can I ask you something?" 

"Mmhm" Akaashi sipped on the hot coffee, grimacing when he found it too hot. 

"Do you think we're moving too fast?" 

There it was. The question Akaashi had long dreaded, but had expected to come sooner or later. He stared at the golden eyes, trying to arrange his thoughts. 

Yes, he did feel, at times, that they were moving too fast. Akaashi had never felt like this before, and he was unsure, scared and confused. Adding to that was the pressure of Bokuto's life depending on him, and his inability to love completely.

Yet, one reassuring glance from those amber eyes, one hug which brought Akaashi closer to Bokuto's beating chest, one kiss, one whisper from him was enough to make Akaashi feel safe. Loved. Comforted, and hopeful, that he will be happy. 

"Yes, I do think so Bokuto-san." Akaashi paused, placing his mug beside him, cupping Bokuto's face with his delicate fingers. 

"But, I also can't deny that you make me feel more loved than I have ever felt. So, I guess that wins over this constant anxiety. Even if we do go fast, it's not like we have much time, you know, with-" Akaashi gazed directly at Bokuto's glimmering eyes, "Us being soulmates, and you having….a clock placed on your life." 

"So, you are doing this because of the clock?" 

Akaashi saw a flash of pain in Bokuto's eyes. He immediately brought his face closer to him, kissing his forehead.

"No, I meant that I genuinely do like you. Not because of the clock. I have a feeling that I would've fallen for you, even if we weren't soulmates." 

"Really?" 

"Really." 

Bokuto gave him that wide smile- which made Akaashi's heart stop the first time they had met- and leant forward to kiss Akaashi. 

He was happy. 

Yet, he couldn't shake off that feeling that it would all crash down soon, leaving him with nothing. 

Leaving him without Akaashi. 

Since, after all, Bokuto didn't deserve happiness, did he?


	9. Chapter 9

"Akaashi, the auction is today evening. Come by if you want to. Or do you have other plans?" Kenma's text made Akaashi groan. 

Honestly, he did not want to go. 

Yet he also did not want to be alone.

"Bokuto-san, do you have plans for today evening?" 

"Yes! I'm going to Tachibana-san's painting auction today ^_^" came the prompt reply to Akaashi's text. 

Oh. Akaashi blinked, trying to clear his mind, and finally a mischievous plan bore its fruit in his mind.

"Can I come with you pop?" 

There was a brief silence before Bokuto replied, with his trademark enthusiasm "Sure! I would love it." 

It had been nearly two weeks since they had had that heartfelt conversation in Bokuto's kitchen. Since then, they had only gotten closer, going on grocery dates, dinner dates, spending nights talking and cuddling. 

Despite their busy schedules during the day, they always found time for each other at night. As they huddled together at the dinner table, Bokuto doing most of the talking and Akaashi doing the listening and occasional responses, Akaashi felt like he might...be falling in love.

It was still a far shot, but Akaashu could really see himself falling in love with this man. 

Maybe, soulmates do exist. 

He wanted to look good today. The Akaashi who couldn't care less what others perceived him as wanted to look good today- so good in fact that he wanted Bokuto to be a flustered, blushing, needy mess by the time they would come back home.

Akaashi combed his hair, ruffling it to make sure it looked carelessly careful, and wore his best black Givenchy suit (a splurge after his last painting broke records at an auction). He smiled at himself. He looked presentable, but he knew Bokuto would probably be frothing on seeing Akaashi. 

Maybe-

Akaashi unbuttoned his shirt- a hint of his pink bud peaking through- and stared at the mirror. His lips curled in a hint of a smile, and he snapped a pic. 

Just the right amount of sexy. 

He sent it to Bokuto, and began to get ready again, not waiting for a response. 

He was finally out the door when he heard a ping. He opened the chat immediately, expecting a flustered response. 

Instead, Bokuto had replied with another picture.

He was seated in front of the mirror, his legs crossed, shirt unbuttoned and his toned torso on glorious display. 

Akaashi felt his cheeks heat up, yet again. 

He did not expect Bokuto to play the uno reverse card. 

"I want to fuck you Keiji. Let's ditch the auction."

There it is. 

Akaashi smirked, typing out his response. He had only just started pushing Bokuto's buttons. 

"But I told Kenma we would come. I don't want to break a promise, Bokuto-san." 

"Fine." 

"You can do whatever you want with me when we come back home, Kotarou." 

Akaashi bit his tongue, but was left hanging when Bokuto did not respond. 

Akaashi had been seenzoned for the first time in his life, usually, it was the other way round. 

When Akaashi arrived, he took a seat at the back of the room. Kenma arrived soon after, wearing a suit. Akaashi had rarely ever seen him put in effort into dressing up, but Kenma's hair was neatly combed. Akaashi had to suppress a smile when he saw a glint in Kenma's hair- it had been a glittery hello kitty hair clip. Akaashi was sure it had been Kuroo's doing.

"Kenma!" Akaashi gave a small wave to the small man, who smiled in return, adding a thumbs up. 

Kenma was the official spokesperson for Akeji Tachibana, so he needed to introduce the piece formally. 

Akaashi leant back into his chair, glancing at the mobile screen frequently.

"Akaashi." 

He turned around to find Bokuto, smiling and immaculately dressed. Akaashi was sure he was at a loss of words. 

He suddenly remembered Bokuto seenzoning him, so he turned away without acknowledging the handsome man.

"Wait, what happened?" 

No response. 

"Are you angry?" 

Akaashi stared at the podium. He felt a light touch on his arm, but ignored it. 

Bokuto peeped at Akaashi's phone screen, and finally understood why Akaashi was pissed at him.

"You think I ignored you?" 

The lack of response couldn't dampen Bokuto's enthusiasm, and Akaashi knew that all too well.

"No." Akaashi gave a curt reply, his fingers lightly pushing Bokuto's from his arm.

"Akaashi, I lost my mind when I saw your text. I had to take twenty minutes to compose myself." 

"I don't believe you." 

"What will make you believe me?" 

Akaashi smirked. He had waited for exactly this, and finally looked into Bokuto's eyes.

"Maybe, if you show it to me when we get back home."

Akaashi was pretty sure he heard Bokuto's breath hitch, and smiled inwardly. The room was completely filled by now, and a well dressed woman took the stage. 

"Today, we are introducing the latest work by Akeji Tachibana, titled 'Happiness'. It is done with a watercolour medium…."

The lady continued introducing the piece, adding the starting price and explaining the rules. Akaashi zoned out, his mind sketching the numerous possibilities that might happen later at night. He was tingling with anticipation.

The bidding started. 

Akaashi was still zoned out, he couldn't care less about the bidding. He tapped his fingers impatiently on his thigh.

"The price stands at a million. A million. Anybody going for two million. Two million. Two million?" 

Akaashi felt a movement beside him, and watched in horror as Bokuto raised his paddle. 

"Bokuto-san, don't-" he tried to hoarsely whisper, but nothing except an illegible sound escaped his mouth. 

Bokuto stared ahead, a wide smile on his face. Akaashi felt warmth spread in his soul, but he also wanted to laugh. 

The painting was sold to Bokuto for a price of two million dollars. 

[Note: The price is in dollars because the auction house is American and most of the buyers are American. And because I have absolutely no idea how auction houses work. Or auctions. Or life as a matter of fact.]

"Bokuto-san…" 

They were back at Bokuto's apartment after dropping Kenma at his (Kenma could barely control his laughter the whole time, earning him Akaashi's scorn) 

"Just a sec Akaashi," Bokuto dialled a number, talking to the receiver about how he had bought another painting. Akaashi guessed it was his grandfather.

"Okay, I'm done. Tell me, what's up?" Bokuto sat down on the couch, motioning Akaashi to sit down beside him. Akaashi remained still, fidgeting with his hands.

"Why did you buy that painting?" 

"Because I love his works?" 

"But it's not...very good? I'm sure you have better paintings in your collection-"

"He's my favourite artist, so no. I don't have better paintings in my collection. His works are the best for me." 

Akaashi sat down beside Bokuto soundlessly, his fingers lightly resting on Bokuto's. 

"Remember I told you that I was close to him?" 

Bokuto nodded, his eyes on Akaashi.

"Yeah… so… he told me that this painting was inspired by this man he had met the day before, whose yellow eyes had shown him happiness, and that is why this piece is called Happiness." 

"That's so romantic Akaashi… was that man his lover?" 

"His soulmate." 

"Wow, that's… beautiful." Bokuto paused, staring longingly at Akaashi's fingers. 

"You must be really close to him for him to confide in you with this." 

Akaashi laughed. Did he see a hint of jealousy in Bokuto's eyes?

"Yes. He is really close to me."

"How… close Akaashi?" 

"Very, very close." Akaashi leant in, tilting Bokuto's face upwards with his index finger. 

"Akaashi…" Bokuto pouted.

"Bokuto-san… I am Akeji Tachibana." 

Bokuto moved away. Silence fell.

Akaashi was sure that Bokuto might faint. 

He didn't. 

"Don't joke." Bokuto laughed. 

"I am not joking Bokuto-san. I am Akeji Tachibana, and Kenma, aka, the world famous Kodzuken, is my official representative." 

"No, Akaashi-"

"Yes Bokuto-san. And I drew Happiness because of your golden eyes." 

"Akaashi-"

"I know, this is a lot to comprehend, but I don't lie Bokuto-san."

"Agashee!"

"Yes?"

"You drew this for me?"

"Not… for you per se…"

"Akamshi!" 

"Bokuto-san, you can stop calling my name." 

"Aka- wow. Wow. Wow. Wow."

There, Akaashi had gone and broken Bokuto. 

"Happy two months Bokuto-san. I'll wait in the bedroom." 

"Akaashi-"

"Yes, Kotarou?" 

"I'm still shocked."

"I know Bokuto-san."

"But I don't care either way." 

"Oh?"

"Anyway, let's go fulfill my promise to you." 

Akaashi knew Bokuto had a low attention span. He also knew Bokuto rarely mulled over things. Yet he did not expect Bokuto to let go of this so easily.

Actually, he was kind of glad he did. Bokuto was officially the second person in this world to know Akaashi's secret. 

"Okay, let's go." Akaashi smiled, his fingers intertwining with Bokuto's, who now had a devilish smile on his face. 

"Akaashi…?"

"Yes Kotarou?"

"Can you keep wearing the suit?" 

Akaashi blushed, his hand on Bokuto's tie. 

"That depends…"

"Agaashee!" Bokuto said loudly, exasperated.

"Just kidding. I'm all yours." Akaashi smiled when he felt Bokuto's strong arms lifting him up. He wrapped his legs around Bokuto's waist, and their lips found each other.

The kiss was intoxicating, making both of them heavily drunk on passion and lust. Akaashi closed his eyes, losing himself in this sudden rush of emotions. His fingers tightened in Bokuto's hair, and he let out a soft moan.

"Keiji-"

"Did you shampoo today? Your hair is really silky."

Bokuto laughed, his eyes crinkling up in joy.

"Yes, I did." His lips moved onto Akaashi's jaw, leaving a trail of marks. Akaashi arched his back, his mind unraveling in the pleasure.

"Kotarou-"

"My name sounds so hot when you say it Keiji." 

"Ko-"

A sudden bite made Akaashi's breath hitch, as he let out a whimper. 

"Keiji, I really, really want to fuck you."

"Then fuck me. Now." 

That was all Bokuto needed for him to place Akaashi on the bed, pinning his arms overhead as he unbuttoned Akaashi's shirt. It looked expensive (and it was) but Bokuto could care less. 

"God… you're so perfect, you're so amazing Keiji-"

"Bokuto-san…" 

Bokuto kissed Akaashi's perfectly toned torso, lifting his head to glance at Akaashi's lust crazed eyes before diving back in. His tongue swirled lazily around Akaashi's hard nipple, as he softly tugged at it, earning breathy moans and whimpers from him. 

"Kotarou- please…"

"It's going to be a long night, Keiji." 

It did end up to be a really, really long night. Akaashi was pretty sure multiple bones had been broken, and that Bokuto had the stamina of a racehorse. 

"God..my body aches." He moaned softly, staring at Bokuto's face, which was highlighted with the soft dawn sunlight. 

He moved a stray strand of hair from Bokuto's face, smiling. 

What the fuck in fuckity hell was this feeling. If Akaashi wasn't an absolute noob at emotions, he would've guessed that this was lo-

"Akaashi.." 

"Ye-oh." Akaashi noticed Bokuto mumbling his name, he was still asleep and quite possibly dreaming. 

As if he wasn't already the cutest human to exist, Bokuto was also a sleep talker.

"I.."

Akaashi leant forward, trying to hear what he said.

"I love you." 

Akaashi was taken aback, moving away instinctively. 

Bokuto was asleep. He didn't mean it.

He couldn't mean it.

Right? 

Akaashi had gone back to sleep after hearing Bokuto sleep talk, and had somehow convinced himself that he had dreamt it all.

He was awoken by Bokuto, who stood before him, holding his phone.

"Akaashi, Kenma called. He said it was urgent." 

"Ah, I'll call him back. What time is it Bokuto-san?" 

Akaashi hurried out of his bed, grabbing a shirt and putting it on. 

"It's 10, why?"

"Fuck! I'm late for class- the new batch is coming today-"

"Akaashi…" 

"Yes Bokuto-san?" Akaashi yelled from the bathroom, freshening up.

"Nevermind." 

After 10 minutes of frenzied preparations, Akaashi was finally ready to get going. He stood near the door, putting on his shoes, and waited until Bokuto gave him a soft kiss.

"My hips hurt.." Akaashi pouted, making Bokuto laugh as he cupped his face.

"Akaashi-"

"I'm late… I need to go already. Goodbye, Bokuto-san!"

"Akaashi, I love you." 

And with that, Akaashi let go of his hand.


	10. Chapter 10

When Akaashi texted Bokuto to ask if he could drop by later, neither of them brought up the topic. Akaashi was growing increasingly unsure whether he had heard Bokuto right and Bokuto was unsure whether Akaashi had heard him at all.

Akaashi was just about to sit down for dinner when he heard the doorbell ring. He opened the door and found Bokuto standing with a packet in his hands.

"Bokuto-san?"

"I didn't get you anything for our two month anniversary…"

"You don't need to worry about that, just come in. I made dinner, so please stay." 

Bokuto nodded awkwardly, giving the cake to Akaashi. Akaashi disappeared into the kitchen, and Bokuto decided to freshen up. 

"Akaashi, can I stay over tonight?" 

"That's fine with me Bokuto-san." 

Bokuto could feel his fingers tremble as he unbuttoned his shirt.

He was hopelessly in love with Akaashi. 

"Thank you for the meal." Bokuto and Akaashi said together, before starting their meal. 

Bokuto couldn't look into Akaashi's eyes. 

Akaashi couldn't look into Bokuto's either.

"Say, Bokuto-san, how was your day?" Akaashi mumbled, unsure where the small talk would get them.

Bokuto wished he had never said anything. 

"It was fine Akaashi…." Bokuto sipped on his glass of water, when he suddenly remembered something.

"I have a high school reunion next week. I don't particularly want to go, but I kinda miss…."

"Do you want me to go with you?" Akaashi smiled. 

"No,I couldn't ask that of you."

"Why not? I asked you to accompany me to my house?"

"But-"

"Or do you not trust me?"

"Akaashi I-"

_I don't want you to meet him._

"I trust you. I'll be happy if you come with me." 

"Now I don't want to go-"

"AGAASHEE!" 

Akaashi laughed, clutching his sides. Bokuto sighed, and joined in. 

This felt nice.

"Bokuto-san." 

"Yes?" 

"I'm happy."

"So am I." 

Akaashi traced circles on Bokuto's palm, holding his warm palm against his cold cheeks.

He didn't need to think about what happened earlier. He just wanted to stay in the moment.

With Bokuto.

"Akaashi, you look beautiful." 

"You think so?" 

Bokuto sighed exasperatedly again. Akaashi could never see his own worth. He looked absolutely gorgeous in his suit, which brought out his blue eyes even more. Bokuto suddenly didn't want to go to his reunion. 

"Your eyes will be the death of me Akaashi."

"They're not that beautiful-"

Bokuto was suddenly in front of Akaashi, cupping his face, and leaning down to kiss him. He could drown in those infinite lapis lazuli eyes.

"They are the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen." 

Akaashi was too flustered to say anything, his sudden flush more than telling. 

Bokuto laughed, holding onto his hand. 

"Let's go." 

"Yes." 

High school had been one of the worst times in Bokuto's life. He had lost everything- his family, volleyball, his friends, himself. 

He had no particular reason to turn up at the reunion. 

Selfishly, part of the reason he wanted to go was to show off Akaashi to the ones who used to spite him. To show them how happy he was. He was indeed happy.

Yet, he had a feeling, a kind of sixth sense telling him that this night would be worse than that fateful night.

A part of him was scared, but his heart knew, as long as he had Akaashi, he would be okay. 

They would be okay.

Right?

The party was going unusually well. Akaashi had been going along well with almost everyone Bokuto introduced him to. Bokuto knew what a huge effort Akaashi was putting in to socialize. He was truly thankful to have him. 

Have him?

Did Bokuto have him?

"Kotarou. " 

Fuck.

That voice.

That sneering voice.

That voice filled with ridicule, with hatred.

That voice that made Bokuto's stomach churn in loathing.

That voice belonged to Ken.

"Bokuto-san, there's someone calling you-"

Bokuto felt the familiar touch of Akaashi's soft, reassuring hands.

That's right. Akaashi was with him. 

He had nothing to be afraid of.

"Did you forget me Kotarou?" 

That same voice. Bokuto wanted him to stop. He wanted to run away. He felt those fingers again. 

If Akaashi didn't run away, why would he?

"Hello Ken."

"Who is this Kotarou?"

"I am Akaashi Keiji, nice to meet you. Are you one of Bokuto-san's friends?" Akaashi extended his hand.

A leering smile developed on Ken's face, his eyes clouded. 

"You are Akaashi Keiji?" 

"Yes. Have we met before?" 

Ken laughed. "Yes, yes we have, but I don't think you remember. We can always make new memories right?" 

"Yes, right." Akaashi was feeling uncomfortable. He glanced at Bokuto and found him looking away.

"I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Ken Ryugazaki, I was Kotarou's boyfriend in high school." 

"Oh." 

What was this emotion that Akaashi was feeling? Rage? Disappointment? Sadness?

Jealousy?

Jealousy.

"Nice to meet you Ryugazaki-san." 

"You don't have to call me so formally, you can call me Ken. Kotarou calls me Ken too." 

"Ah." 

"So, are the both of you friends?" 

A part of Akaashi wanted to agree and leave it at that. 

But a part of him was ready to claim Bokuto as his. Solely his.

"We are soulmates." 

Akaashi had not expected such a reaction from Ken. He burst out laughing, clutching his sides as he bent down.

"T-To think Kotarou has a soulmate...it's too funny…" He gasped for breath. 

"What is so funny, Ryugazaki-san?" 

"N-nothing. Kotarou, why aren't you saying anything? Don't you want to talk to me?" Ken nudged Bokuto with his elbow.

"How have you been, Ryugazaki?" 

"Mean Kotarou. You always called me Ken...I've been good. Really good." 

"Bokuto-san, I'll go get a glass of water." Akaashi excused himself. He had to get away from Ken, who he was sure was a lunatic. 

"Bokuto-"

"Ken, I'm leaving."

"Oh we're back to first names now?Anyway, to think you have a soulmate...it's really funny man." 

"Shut up."

"Do you know what's funnier?"

Silence.

"Do you know the guy who had the accident during our last volleyball game?" 

"N-no."

"That's right. You were too scared to even go see him. Just like a fucking coward." 

"But-"

"Yeah, so I found out later who he was." 

Silence.

No. Please, no.

"It was a guy named Akaashi Keiji. Ironic isn't it?" 

Bokuto could not hear anything. He was sure his heart had stopped beating. 

Something must be wrong.

Ken was lying. 

He had to be lying.

It cannot be Akaashi. 

"Bokuto-san, will we stay for much longer?" 

Bokuto turned around in a hurry, his eyes searching for Akaashi's, until he met that same infinite sea in his eyes.

And that was when Bokuto knew, it had been Akaashi.

The reason why his eyes had been almost magnetic for Bokuto. 

The reason he couldn't stop staring at his eyes.

The reason those eyes seemed way too familiar. 

The reason why, despite being happy, those eyes harboured a permanent pain.

These were the same eyes that had been stricken with fear the night Bokuto's car had crashed into him. 

Bokuto had ruined Akaashi's life.

"Akaashi I want to go back home." 

"Okay." 

Bokuto could feel a storm inside him. He was lost, he was scared. 

But most of all,he could feel the crushing pain of guilt. 

The reason why Akaashi had to leave volleyball.

The reason why Akaashi had lost volleyball was him. 

Neither of them spoke a word until they reached Akaashi's apartment. 

Akaashi was worried, and Bokuto was determined. 

"We need to talk, Akaashi." 

"Bokuto-san, sit down. Would you like tea, coffee-"

"Akaashi." 

Akaashi had never heard Bokuto's voice like this. 

So determined yet so pained.

He could see Bokuto was hurting. Was it because of his ex-boyfriend? Was it because-

"We need to break up." 

For the 2354th time in his life, Akaashi's intuition had been correct. 

Akaashi wanted to yell. To scream. To punch. To shout. To demand why Bokuto had loved him all these days only to let him go when his ex-lover resurfaced in his life?

Loved? Had Bokuto ever loved him?

All Akaashi managed was a whimper. 

And a "Why?"

Bokuto hated seeing Akaashi like that. 

So broken. Regretful. Disappointed. 

"Because I don't want to hurt you." 

"Hurt me? Do you know that this is hurting me the most?" 

"You don't understand-"

"YES I FUCKING UNDERSTAND. YOU'RE LEAVING ME BECAUSE OF THAT KEN RIGHT? I KNEW THIS SOULMATE THING WAS CRAP. I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT." 

"I knew it." Akaashi's voice broke, and silent tears flowed down his cheeks. 

"I'm not leaving for him. I hate him Akaashi." 

"Bokuto-san, was all of this a lie? Were these two months an elaborate stage play?"

"No, Akaashi-"

"I don't want to hear another word from you. You want to leave?That's fine by me." 

"Akaashi-"

"Leave. Leave."

"Aka-"

"I will call the security guard-"

"AKAASHI!" 

Akaashi was stunned, becoming still when he heard Bokuto yell. Bokuto was crying too.

Or was this another act in his comedy?

"I'm not leaving you for Ken. I'm leaving you because I don't want to hurt you anymore." 

"What?"

"I'll leave. I won't ever come across you ever again. I regret meeting you." 

"What?"

"I was the one who crashed into you on the last day of the inter high volleyball tournament." 

Akaashi had always wondered how it would feel to have his heart broken. How it would feel to have his heart taken and then discarded. Call him a masochist, but Akaashi had always wondered what this pain felt like.

He had been hurt several times before, yet something about this made him feel like death would have been better.

Something about Bokuto leaving made him want to cry till he lost his voice.

Akaashi now knew how it felt to have the whole world crumbling to dust around him, leaving him in the centre of it all, alive yet dead. His heart, just a hollow cavity.

He couldn't bring himself to close the door when Bokuto left. 

Bokuto could barely keep the tears at bay on the way to his apartment. He was sure he had done the right thing.

He was sure Akaashi hated him now. 

As he should.

Yet, the image of Akaashi sitting on the floor, his eyes silently pleading to Bokuto to stay, was something Bokuto could not forget. 

What if he had been wrong?

He let out a strained laugh. 

It would all be over in a few weeks.

He would finally be able to compensate for his sins.

"Akaashi…" Bokuto covered his face with his hands, breaking down.

Everything about Akaashi had made Bokuto feel like the luckiest man on the planet.

Being with Akaashi made him forget his abandonment by everyone in his past.

Bokuto had been naive. So so naive. 

He had expected the same person whose life he had ruined to love him back.

All he could do now was feel the cool streaks of tears running across his face.

Bokuto wanted to die.

Flashing lights. His own disgruntled voice, screaming for help. The sharp hit of pain shooting through his body, the screams. The sirens, the wails. 

Akaashi woke up, drenched in his sweat.

It had been a few months since he had had this same dream. 

"Bokuto-san…." He extended his hand towards his side, but was met with emptiness. 

That's right. Bokuto-san left. 

The night seemed so lonely, so dark and so scary. 

"I need you Bokuto-san…." He broke down again, pulling the sheets to his face. 

He cried himself to sleep that night.

Bokuto stayed up all night. He knew he would have nightmares if he went back to sleep. The only thing keeping him company were the stars and a bottle of whiskey. 

He wanted to move away from this city and from Akaashi. 

Yet he also didn't want to let go of the memories he had with Akaashi.

The night at the planetarium, the auction, their nights together under the same night sky, their first date, these were all memories that Bokuto held the closest to his heart. He didn't want to run away from them, at least not before he would have to go forever.

Memories.

That was all he would have of Akaashi now.

He wanted Akaashi to destroy the soulmate clock. If those memories were gone, Bokuto might finally find peace and an escape from his crimes. 

He had wanted to protect Akaashi. 

Akaashi ended up protecting him.


	11. Chapter 11

Akaashi couldn't sleep. He stared at the cursive writing on his wrist. 

Bokuto Kotarou.

He still remembered the first time he had seen it, the feeling of joy and excitement. 

He remembered the night at the planetarium, the kisses, the hugs, the cuddles, the warmth, the pouting, the 'Agaaashee', the smiles, the night at the auction. 

He didn't want to remember them anymore.

He wanted to destroy the clock, and with it, the remnants of Bokuto Kotarou. 

That was the only way Akaashi could escape from this crushing feeling of having lost his heart. 

Bokuto Kotarou was his heart.

It wasn't until the first rays of the sun hit his eyes that Bokuto realised he was truly alone now. 

He didn't have Akaashi anymore.

It hurt. 

It wasn't supposed to. Bokuto was sure he would feel some peace, some calm. That a small fraction of the guilt would leave him.

It didn't. It only hurt more. It hurt so bad.

Akaashi hated him now, Bokuto was sure about that. 

"That's what I deserve after all." He smiled at the Sun, the soft rays almost apologetic.

Bokuto Kotarou was the worst man on this planet, and he had three weeks to live. 

He had just lived through his first night without his soulmate.

Akaashi groaned when the sunlight hit his eyes, still sensitive from a night of crying. 

"Ugh..Bokut-"

Akaashi had forgotten that the amber eyes would never look at him again.

"Fuck."

It was almost ridiculous how his vocabulary had been shortened to 'Bokuto-san' and 'fuck' in the span of one day. 

Akaashi had just survived the first day without Bokuto, and he wasn't sure how he was going to live through the rest of his nights.

Akaashi had taken leave from his college, and had decided to coop himself up in the safety and familiarity of his room. 

He remained under the covers through the entirety of the day, only getting up for food, water and excretory activities.

The sun disgusted him. The night scared him. 

He had left a short message for Kenma, explaining very briefly what had happened.

Akaashi stared at the web page open in front of him. 

**HOW TO DESTROY YOUR SOULMATE CLOCK**

Step 1. Take a permanent marker.  
Step 2. Scribble/cover the name of the soulmate.  
Step 3. Cross out the timer of the clock.  
Step 4. Sleep.

Akaashi was cynical. Surely it couldn't be that easy.

Akaashi took his marker, staring at his wrist.

Bokuto Kotarou.

His hand hovered above his wrist.

"I will support you forever. I will always be by your side." He heard those familiar words.

It had all been a lie.

Fuck. 

He couldn't bring himself to do it. He didn't want to forget. 

Fuck.

Frustration piled up inside him, and he screamed into the bedsheet, his tears wetting the soft cotton. 

Bokuto stared at his coffee mug, leaning against the counter to balance his dizzy head. 

Akaashi made really good coffee.

Bokuto felt a sharp pang of guilt in his heart again, and leaned against the cold marble countertop. 

He wanted Akaashi's warm hands. 

Before he could realise it, tears had started welling up, breaking the dam and releasing his grief. 

He stayed there until he heard the microwave beeping.

He sat out in the balcony, watching the soft fluffy clouds lazily pass by. 

Had Akaashi decided to destroy the clock already? 

Bokuto did not want to forget Akaashi. After all, Akaashi had been the best thing to ever happen to him.

He just didn't want to hurt Akaashi anymore.

Akaashi traced his finger over his bare skin. The scar on his leg was as prominent as ever, yet he distinctly remembered Bokuto kissing it, telling him how gorgeous he is.

Had Bokuto known that he had caused this?

Or had it been Ken-san who had told him about this?

And why wasn't Akaashi angry at Bokuto for this? Why was he angry at Bokuto for leaving?

What exactly was wrong with Akaashi Keiji?

Akaashi had loved volleyball. He loved the feel of the ball against his fingers, the cheers, the praise. He loved how volleyball made him forget, even for a few minutes, his pathetic life.

Yet, in one way, Akaashi had been glad when he was told that he couldn't pursue a professional career in volleyball after the accident. 

Volleyball hadn't been his love, it had been his escape.

Akaashi was sure, Bokuto-san was far more precious to him than volleyball could ever be.

Bokuto was lying on his back, staring at the white, sterile ceiling, his thoughts wandering like those clouds he had seen before. 

Why did he lie?

It hadn't been his fault. It had been-

No. He was at fault for being a coward. 

Bokuto turned to his side, groaning as he clutched onto the bedsheet. 

If only.

If only he hadn't met the boy with eyes like lapis lazuli.

If only he hadn't met Akaashi Keiji. 

Bokuto had loved volleyball. He had given himself entirely to the sport. Yet, all it gave him in return was pain. Volleyball took away his friends, his family and now, Akaashi. He had never hated volleyball more.

Bokuto had always been scared of death. As a child, he hated stories with death in it. Today, faced with loss, pain and hurt, Bokuto found himself embracing the idea of an eternal release. 

He would patiently wait for the day to come.

Their souls were apart, yet together, drowning in pain. 

Night fell just as abruptly as this revelation. 

"Kenma." 

"Are you okay, Akaashi? Do you need something?" 

"No. I just wanted to ask Kuroo-san-"

"He's not home right now. Will I call you when he's back?"

What was Akaashi doing? Why was he doing this? 

"It's not that important, you don't have to tell him anything." 

Silence followed.

"Keiji, I'm here for you. You know that right?" 

"Yes, I do." 

Akaashi hated himself for this lie. Even though he knew Kenma would be there for him, he couldn't help but feel that his best friend of 4 years might leave him too.

"Grandpa?" 

"Yes Kou."

"I just...wanted to say that I'm sorry. For everything."

"But you didn't do anything Kou."

"I did. I...caused Dad's death, Mom left because of me, our whole family fell apart because of me. I'm sorry." 

Bokuto did not feel 'sad'. He didn't cry. He was just tying up the loose ends so that when it was time for him to leave, he could do so without any regrets.

Was that true though? Bokuto knew he would always live with a regret. 

The regret of not being loved by Akaashi Keiji.

"Do you seriously believe you were the cause of everything that happened?" 

"Yes."

"If you believe that, nothing I say can change your belief. Even so, let me tell you, you never did anything wrong Kou. It was never you, it was that wretched Ken Ryugazaki-"

"Grandpa, I was supposed to watch over him. It was because of me that...Ken..did what he did." 

"Kou, you've always kept your grandma and me away from you. Even then, we do love you unconditionally. You are our only grandson. We love you very, very much."

Bokuto could now feel a prickle in his eyes.

"You have always made us so proud of you, we have always loved you. Your sisters ask about you everyday. Why did you push us away Kou? Why did you face everything alone?"

"Grandpa, I don't want to hurt anyone anymore. Thank you for loving me despite all my sins." 

"Why are you talking about this suddenly-"

"I just don't want things to end without a conclusion."

"To end? Kou are you okay?"

"I will be Gramps. Goodnight." 

The lights. Akaashi's blue eyes. The scream. Ken's panicked eyes. The sirens. 

Bokuto woke up in a cold sweat.

He hadn't had these nightmares in a long time. 

He stared at the wall in front of him, blinking rapidly. His mind was empty. 

He missed Akaashi.

The grief hit him like a truck, washing over him as he clutched the bedsheet to his face, crying into it. 

"Akaashi…"

"I love you. I love you." 

"I'm sorry." 

He spent the rest of the night crying until he fell asleep from exhaustion at 4 am.

Akaashi hadn't slept for more than an hour. When he saw himself in the mirror, the eyebags were darker than they had ever been before. 

He was going to try to destroy the clock again. He had to. 

Was Bokuto suffering too? 

Had Bokuto loved him enough to suffer now?

Akaashi sat down with the marker, staring at his wrist. The sunlight softly caressed his skin. 

He was suddenly reminded of the day he first saw the name.

Akaashi couldn't cross over it. 

Bokuto woke up again at around 7 in the morning, dragging himself to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee.

He slumped down to the floor before he could make one, exhaustion hitting him hard.

What if he had made a mistake?

What if Akaashi would have accepted him, forgiven him?

The what ifs began to weigh heavily on his mind, causing him to space out until he heard his phone beep. 

Bokuto spent the rest of the day curled up inside the covers, sleeping.


	12. Chapter 12

"Akaashi." 

Bokuto was smiling. It was unlike his usual boisterous, sunny smile, but was more subdued, carrying a hidden pain behind it.

"Bokuto-san." Akaashi walked forward, extending his hand to Bokuto. Bokuto took his hand, pulling Akaashi in a tight embrace.

"I missed you Akaashi, I missed you so much." Bokuto was crying.

"I missed you so much too Bokuto-san. I'm here now." Akaashi was kissing his cheeks now.

Bokuto's eyes were glassy as he smiled.

"I know, never let me go again Akaashi."

"I love you Kotarou." 

"I love-"

Bokuto suddenly stopped, clutching his throat. Akaashi felt a burn on his wrists. 

He was shocked to see that the soulmate clock had stopped at 0. 

He was late.

"Bokuto-san!" 

"Kei...ji" Bokuto had a strange, sad smile on his face.

"Bokuto-san! I'll call for the ambulance I'll-"

"Nothing can save me now, you know that right?" 

Akaashi's tears fell softly on Bokuto's soft, pale face.

"Bokuto-san, I love you. Please don't leave me…"

"I love you Keiji." 

"Kotarou!"

"Goodbye, Keiji." 

Akaashi woke up with a start, drenched in sweat, his hands trembling in fear. He could feel his throat becoming dry, and he frantically searched for the glass of water which he usually kept on his bedside table each night.

"Fuck." His breathing was rapid and shallow, he felt like his lungs were going to burst. His eyes hurt, and before he knew it, tears were gently trickling down his face.

He was sure now.

He loved Bokuto Kotarou. 

He wished he had told this to Bokuto before, he wished he could have stopped this from happening. 

He didn't want to destroy the clock, but he knew he would have no reason to live if Bokuto was not alive.

He shivered at that possibility. 

Even if Bokuto would not take him back, he would confess. Akaashi decided to visit Bokuto the next day. 

Somewhere under the same sky Bokuto Kotarou was crying into his already damp bedsheet, regretting his actions and cursing at himself with the Mission Impossible music in the background.

Akaashi couldn't do it. It wasn't as if he didn't know _how_ to, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He couldn't bring himself to even imagine what would happen if Bokuto did not accept him. 

Akaashi was sure he would cry.

"Fucking hell I haven't slept in a week." Akaashi massaged his temples, groaning as he poured the coffee into his mug.

He had begun swearing more frequently, had started drinking way more coffee than usual, and had been getting next to no sleep. Added to that were the nightmares, the crushing anxiety of love and the burden of being responsible for Bokuto's life. 

He knew he couldn't go long like this. 

"The sun is too bright…" he mumbled to himself, slumping down beside the window.

The Sun, in all it's glory, was still not a match for Bokuto Kotarou. 

Aaashi had often wondered if things would have been different if he had confessed his love earlier.

He could almost envision them cooking together in the kitchen, laughing and humming songs together, the room drowning in sunlight and happiness.

Crap. There came the tears again. 

Akaashi gulped his coffee down in one go, biting his tongue to stop the tears.

It didn't work.

He gave up, making his way to his room where he crawled under the bed sheet, trying to make up for the lost sleep.

Bokuto groaned as he turned away from the window, the direct sunlight falling on his eyes somewhat of a menace.

"God damn it!" He clutched his head in his hands. He had tried to distract himself the previous night when he binge watched the Mission Impossible series. 

He couldn't get through fifteen minutes through the first film before he teared up. His fingers had been vainly searching for Akaashi's, and the realisation that he had lost the boy forever made his heart shatter. He had gone to bed and cried the rest of the night.

He had not gone to the office for the last week, and had been avoiding long talks with his grandfather who demanded to know what was up with Bokuto. 

Bokuto wanted all of this to end already. He wanted to give up on the memories. On Akaashi. 

He wanted to run away, and leave behind everything. All his life he had caused problems for everyone around him, it was finally time for him to set things right. Akaashi deserved better than him.

He called his grandfather.

"Grandpa! I'll visit our Osaka house this week. I'll leave tomorrow, okay?" 

"Why do you want to go there so suddenly Kou? You have been avoiding me since that day and I'm genuinely worried Kou." 

"I'll be fine Gramps, and I'll tell you later. It's kinda urgent." Bokuto hung up as suddenly as he had called.

Akaashi woke up from his nap with a start when he heard the doorbell ring. His mind was still groggy, and he felt his temples throb as he stood up. He had been getting next to no sleep for the last week, and it had started to take a toll on him.

"Yes?" Akaashi opened the door, only to reveal an old man standing, his face glistening with beads of exertion. He had obviously taken the stairs.

"Are you Akaashi Keiji?" He panted. 

Akaashi ushered him in immediately, rushing to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

"Yes, I am." He replied, handing the man the glass. The man smiled, drinking the water in ome gulp. 

"I don't think you know me, but I am Kotarou's grandfather. I needed to talk to you urgently." 

"Ah Bokuto-san. I...if only I had known you were about to come-"

"It was an impulsive decision, Keiji-kun. I had my secretary find out who Kou's soulmate was, that boy never tells us anything….."

"Would you like something to eat or drink?" 

"No, it's fine Keiji-kun. What I wanted to ask was…" 

Bokuto's grandfather stared at his fingers, fidgeting with them. 

"Did something happen between you and Kou?" 

Akaashi could hear his own heart beat louder, until it was the only sound that consumed him. 

"Y-yes. We… broke up." 

"Broke up? But your clocks-?" Akaashi couldn't bear to look at Grandpa's eyes.

"Bokuto-san said something about not wanting to hurt me anymore. He told me to stay away from him. He said he had already hurt me several times, although he didn't. He...ran away." 

Akaashi didn't want to cry in front of the old man. He didn't want to look at him. Honestly, he hoped the earth would swallow him then and there.

"How… did my grandson hurt you Keiji-kun?" 

His tone was so gentle, so understanding, the tears finally gave way. Akaashi realized where Bokuto got his caring nature from.

"I was the one he hit in the accident he had in his last year of high school."

If Akaashi had lifted his head, he would have seen the most horrified expression registering on Grandpa's face.

"I'm so sorry, Keiji-kun-"

"No,no, it's fine-"

"You can call me Grandpa."

"Grandpa, surprisingly, when I came to know this, I wasn't angry at Bokuto-san. I was shocked, yes, but not for one moment was I angry at him. Yet, he left me, saying that he was only capable of hurting me and… other bad stuff." 

"So, he hasn't told you the whole thing?" 

"The whole thing?" Akaashi sniffed, inching closer to Grandpa.

"Well, it was very traumatic for him, but I'll tell you." 

"Kotarou had a boyfriend in highschool. It was that boy, Ken Ryugazaki. He came from a rich family our company had ties with, so Kou and he were childhood friends. Slowly, it became...something more, and even though he never told us explicitly, we all knew it would only be a matter of time before Kou would tell us. This...Ken was a nuisance. I knew he was trouble the moment I met him. Yet, I couldn't keep him away from Kou.

Ken was sure he would be Kou's 'soulmate', so when his mark showed up, he hid it from Kou, and that led to a disagreement between them on their last day of high school. They were driving, and Ken was drunk. Kou didn't know how to drive, so he had to leave it up to Ken. 

That was when the crash happened. Kou took it pretty hard, but he couldn't visit you in the hospital because he couldn't look at your face. He was diagnosed with severe PTSD and he lost his volleyball scholarship. His father had been unwell for quite some time and he died. His mother left the country. 

I don't know what happened at school, but I'm guessing Ken told everyone that it had been Kou who was driving. Kou didn't retort because deep down, he did feel responsible for everything that happened. 

After his sisters got married and left the country the next year, he came to Tokyo to work in our Tokyo branch. He still holds himself responsible for everything, even though both you and I know that that isn't the truth. 

Yet, Keiji-kun, I had never heard Bokuto as happy as when he had called me once when both of you were still together. 

He deserves happiness after all of this, don't you agree?" 

Akaashi didn't know what to say. He was still processing what he had just heard. His mind was racing, his heart was beating too fast, and he felt his eyes blurring. 

"Grandpa, I want to… see him." 

Grandpa smiled. He had expected this. 

"You better hurry Keiji-kun, he's going to leave Tokyo tomorrow."


	13. Chapter 13

Akaashi rang the bell twice. His head throbbed due to the lack of sleep over the past week, and he could feel his knees become weak. 

It was when he heard footsteps that he held onto to the wall, straightening himself. The last thing he wanted was to make Bokuto worry about him again.

The door opened.

"Akaashi?" 

"You look like shit Bokuto-san." 

Bokuto was stunned, staring at Akaashi, who stared back at him. After what felt like ages, their eyes had finally met again. 

Bokuto had almost forgotten how vivid Akaashi's blue eyes were, how they hid his emotions perfectly along each crevasse, how they seemed bored, but were actually brimming with emotion. 

He was so happy he wanted to cry. 

"Bokuto-san, are you crying?" Akaashi leant forward.

Then, just like those cliché romantic films or shoujo mangas, Akaashi stumbled and fell onto Bokuto's strong arms. 

Except, Bokuto wasn't as strong as before, and failed to catch Akaashi, leading to the both of them tumbling onto the floor. Akaashi's head hurt. 

"You look like shit too Akaashi." He heard Akaashi whisper as they lay on the floor beside each other. 

"I know. Usually when your soulmate asks you to never see him again, you feel and look like shit." 

Akaashi felt really, really guilty when he realised he was a tiny bit happy that Bokuto had suffered from their untimely separation too. 

"Yeah...about that, Akaashi-"

"Bokuto-san, I'm not interested in the past. I'm not saying this only because I love you, but I just didn't love volleyball enough to still ponder over the missed opportunities to play it. Was I sad? Sure. But looking back, I gained just as much as I lost. Maybe, if i hadn't been forced to quit volleyball, I wouldn't have taken up painting and become...what I have." Akaashi took a deep breath.

He had wanted to say this to Bokuto for the last week, but somehow couldn't make himself do it. Today, he was not leaving empty handed. 

"Stop dwelling over the past. Spend time with your family and friends in the present and look forward to the future with them. You were never at fault, Kotarou. And ever since that day, I have never once blamed you." Akaashi continued, lifting himself up with his elbow.

Crap. Bokuto really was crying.

"A-AGAASHEE!"

"Bokuto-san, stop crying… I don't have enough energy to deal with this right now. I haven't slept in a week."

"I'm sorry Akaamshi! I'm so so so so sorry!" Bokuto crawled up to Akaashi and smothered him in a warm hug.

Even though Akaashi's face was scrunched up in disgust and exhaustion, his heart was doing tiny somersaults when he felt the same warm touch he had craved for the past few weeks.

Fuck he had missed this. 

It was surprising that they had both let go of the past so easily, it was as if the rest of the world blurred when they were together. 

Akaashi only needed Bokuto, and Bokuto only needed Akaashi.

"Akaashi...you saved me." 

Akaashi felt Bokuto's snot on his shoulder. Usually, he would've pushed the older man away and grimaced in disgust. 

He was going to let him stay there for a few minutes, only for today.

"What do you mean?" 

"You told me you love me." 

Akaashi felt the heat spread onto his cheeks, painting his face a barely noticeable tinge of pink. 

"D-did I?" Akaashi looked down at his fingers which were intertwined with Bokuto's. He sneaked a glance at his wrist.

The soulmate clock had stopped. 

Bokuto Kotarou was now solely and wholly his. 

"Keiji, I love you."

"I love you too Kotarou."

When Akaashi lifted his head and pulled Bokuto's face towards him, his soft lips pressed on Bokuto's, Bokuto was sure he was going to faint.

He felt like his world had come to a halt, the only focus of his attention was on the soft minty taste in Bokuto's mouth. 

Akaashi felt like he belonged there. With Bokuto, in Bokuto's arms.

Bokuto didn't want to cry. He didn't want their make up kiss to be wet. He had learnt from the disastrous kiss between Cho Chang and Harry Potter. Yet, he couldn't maintain his composure, and soon felt his lips tremble.

How could he push away the only good thing to happen to him in his life? How could he be so selfish, so thoughtless?

How could he do that to Akaashi?

Bokuto pulled away, looking down at the floor, tears rolling down his cheeks. Akaashi was stunned, but quickly wiped his tears away with his thumb. 

"Akaashi…I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm the absolute worst and the most selfish man on this planet." 

"I know Bokuto-san. But you can make it up to me for the rest of our lives." 

Bokuto looked up at a smiling Akaashi, his amber eyes gleaming. 

Akaashi knew how fast Bokuto's mood changed, how simple he was. Akaashi knew Bokuto like one knows their own self. 

And Bokuto knew Akaashi like one knows their own soul. 

"Akaashi, your eyes are the most beautiful in this world."

"Really?"

"Really." 

Akaashi chuckled. He could almost feel his head throb again.

"Bokuto-san, let's go sleep. I haven't slept in a week."

"Okay."

"Akaashi."

"Yes?"

"I want to wake up next to you every day from now."

"I'll grant your wish." 

And their lips met again. 

Akaashi did not notice the daffodils on the windowsill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's it! 
> 
> There have been mentions of flowers in the story, and yes they do have meanings. It's not very important but if you want to find the meanings just google them like I did.
> 
> I would appreciate any and all feedback, and tysm for reading this !
> 
> BOKUAKA CANON SOULMATES (like me and popo sashwata i love you)


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